


This Wondrous Land

by IndigoDream



Series: This Wondrous Land [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: (but very light dont worry its like a punch at most), Alec-centric - Freeform, Alternate Universe - Human, Anxiety, Dysphoria, F/F, F/M, Fashion AU, Fashion Designer Magnus Bane, Happy Ending, M/M, Maryse is trying to be a good mom, Mentions of Suicidal Thoughts, Mentions of alcoholism, Nonbinary Meliorn (Shadowhunter Chronicles), Original Character(s), Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Trans Female Character, Trans Male Character, Transphobia, Use Of Deadname, Very light sexual content, Violence, alec is trans, body issues, this is def the author self-projecting yes, this was going to be just fluff but then the angst happened im sorry, trans maia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2019-07-23
Packaged: 2020-05-13 02:47:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 41,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19242265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IndigoDream/pseuds/IndigoDream
Summary: Alec Lightwood is exactly where he wants to be in life. He is head editor at a prestigious publishing house, his relationship with his mother is steadily improving, and he has great siblings he loves more than anything. It's precisely because of those siblings that he finds himself in the predicament of having to model for Izzy's fashion internship. His body issues and his general distastes for most people are seriously challenged when he meets her mentor, Magnus Bane.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi y'all! 
> 
> This fic is not totally written, actually very little is written, but I know how I want it to go, and while I can't give an update schedule, I'll definitely try posting at least once a week. 
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy this, and my (very personal) take on trans Alec. There will probably be more tags added as the story goes on, but if there is anything that needs to be tagged already, tell me!

Alec stares at himself in the mirror, his body naked from the waist up. The scars on his chest are almost completely faded now, but as he traces them slowly with his fingers, he can picture their initial redness, the soreness of the space. He can picture again the absolute joy that had overflowed within him. He looks back at himself and his eyes turn to his jaw, so square now, and covered in the shadow of a beard he needs to shave. Despite all of Izzy and Jace’s protesting that it’s unhealthy, that he has no reason to keep a constant reminder of something he has repeatedly said he could not stand, he has a photo of his 18 year old self pinned next to his mirror. 

They are right that it’s unhealthy, he supposes as he stares at the picture with a mixture of wonder and pity. Wonder at how far he has come, pity at how deeply terrified he looks in that picture. The long hair in the picture, the one that surrounds a round face devoid of any happiness, is a few shades lighter than his own is now, drawing on chestnut rather than the profound brown he favors. No doubt a result of his father desperately forcing him to be someone he was not. He barely remembers anything of that period. His sister says it’s because of the traumatic events. Jace says it’s because his brain is smarter than he is and protected itself. 

Whatever the reason is, Alec doesn’t really care. He doesn’t want to remember that year, doesn’t want to think back to it now that he is finally where he wants to be, doing what he loves and enjoying himself. In the mirror, this final version stares back at him, and the face that had previously been so withdrawn, so angry that he was afraid he would break anything he touched, stares back at him with laughing eyes. He keeps it to remind himself of what he achieved. 

Someone bangs on the bedroom door and he instantly knows it’s Izzy. She has a way of knocking that he would recognize anywhere. It’s loud and bright, while his own is more sulky and withdrawn. 

Tearing his head away from his strange, in depth thoughts about knocks, he opens the door without bothering to pull on a shirt. A spark of pleasure lights in his chest as his sister stands in the doorway, grinning broadly. His pleasure quickly fades as he notices her smirk widening. 

“No,” he says before she can even open her mouth. 

She pouts. “You haven’t even heard what I have to say!” 

“And I already think it’s a bad idea. So it’s a no, thank you, goodbye.” 

He attempts to close the door, but she is faster than he is and slips in his bedroom with a grin worthy of Alice’s Cheshire Cat. 

“What if I tell you it involves your favorite sibling—“ 

“Oh well if it is about Max then I suppose I could—“ 

“I meant me!” She swats at his arm while he laughs. “So. As I was saying. What would you say if I told it involves your favorite sibling,” she glares at him there and he chuckles again. “A job opportunity, and a chance to see a bunch of guys shirtless.” 

He levels her an unimpressed look. “You know that it doesn’t sound that alluring, right? I have a very rewarding, and very well paid, job. Also, the idea of being with a bunch of shirtless dudes is not that great. Why would I want to do that?” 

“Because you love me and you would get paid?” She bats her eyelashes and pouts again. “Come on, we just need one more model, and you’re like, the perfect profile. Please?” 

Her pleading tone almost gets him before he realizes what she is asking. “You want me to help with one of the show at your company?” 

Isabelle got her internship at _Pandemonium_ three months ago, and she has been walking on air ever since. She regularly comes home more exhausted than Alec believes she should ever be, but the smile that’s stuck on her face and the endless praises she has for her superiors are enough for him to not be too worried. That, and for once the internship is actually paid, which is rare. Alec would know, he spent four months as an intern at a publishing house through the day, and bartending in the evening to make the rent and be able to eat. He never wants to see pre-packaged ramen ever again. He still feels his stomach lurch when he walks past the little packages and cups in the supermarket. 

Point is, his little sister is genuinely loving her first real job in the fashion industry. And while he is incredibly supportive of her, he has absolutely no desire to step into that world. He will keep to books, thank you very much. 

“I’m sure you’ll love it! The outfits are brilliants and I even got to help with the design of some outfits. Magnus even let me—“ 

“No.” He cuts her in the middle of her sentence again, crossing his arms in front of him. “I’m not interested in fashion and besides, have you forgotten? I’m not exactly model material. I’m apparently lacking some very essential parts to have any sense of “sex appeal” or whatever.” 

She looks affronted now, and she crosses her arms as well. “Do you think I would suggest it if I didn’t think it was safe for you? I was kidding when I said you would be with a bunch of dudes. Well, mostly, there will still be guys, but it’s a mixed line. You have to know I wouldn’t offer you something like that without being a hundred percent sure you would be totally safe.” 

He almost feels some guilt, but he doesn’t uncross his arms. “Why don’t you ask Jace instead? We both know he loves to show off.” 

Izzy concedes the point with a nod of her head but looks at him pleadingly. “Because I really think you would be perfect for the outfits. Plus, Jace is totally not tall enough to wear some of the outfits. You gotta show off those long legs Alec!” 

Alec _is_ quite tall, he is fairly aware of that. It was a huge problem when he was younger. Now, he absolutely loves it, especially when he can stare down his siblings with his most unimpressed big brother stare. It doesn’t work on Jace and Izzy but Max is only 14, so he has at least a couple of years before his semblance of authority is completely ruined. 

A horrified thought goes through his mind. “Oh Angels, you are not planning of putting me in a dress right?” 

Izzy quickly seizes his arm. “No, I would never do that! I promise, no dresses or skirts involved for your outfits.” 

He remains skeptical, but he knows she wouldn’t lie about something like that. 

“Fine,” he relents. “I’ll think about it. When do you need a definite answer?” 

She clasps her hands in glee and hurls herself in his arms. He catches her with a grin and chuckles. Her joy is infectious, even if he isn’t totally sure he wants to do this. He is actually pretty sure he /doesn’t/ want to do this, but he will think about it, if only to make her happy. 

“The designers want to start bringing in models by next week, so I guess by Friday or Saturday?” 

He sighs. That’s only three days to think. He kisses the top of her head and smiles at his sister. 

“Alright. I’ll have an answer by then.” 

\---

When he walks into work that morning, his thoughts are full of modeling and fashion notes. Isabelle insisted on showing him the online portfolio of the company and some photos of past runways. Even he had to admit that it was quite impressive, despite his wardrobe’s primary color being black and his wildest piece of clothing coming in the form of a soft pink button up with the word “gay” in tiny prints all over. Izzy had gifted it to him last Christmas and, while he actually finds it pretty, he will never wear it outside of his home. 

He is distracted enough that he misses his assistant handing him his cup of coffee and nearly has it spilled all over himself. 

“Oops, sorry boss!” Simon smiles as he retreats the cup quickly. “Everything alright? You usually focus on the smell of coffee like a hound on a hare.” 

Alec seizes the cup with a glare. He would never tell the younger man, but he genuinely likes him on most days. Not today though. 

“Just thinking about a minor family matter. Do I have any appointment today?” 

Alec is the head editor for the Young Adult division of _Nephilim_ , one of the most well known publishing house in the market. It’s well established, well connected, and he truly loves his job there. He has no idea how he managed to luck out to be the head editor so early though. He suspects it’s because the previous head, Victor Aldertree, was a real dick and had no idea what would sell well and what would take the market by a storm. He doesn’t ponder on it too often though. 

“Helen Blackthorn will be there at 10am, and then Jia wants to see you in her office at 3pm. Oh, and your mother called, she wants to know if you’re free for lunch today. I told her you would get back to her on that?” 

Alec nods, thankful for the out he is being offered. His relationship with his mother is a work in progress, but she has been trying ever since she divorced his father. Now, they are both taking tentative steps towards one another. 

“I’ll call her in my office. Any new manuscripts?” 

After a bit more work related, he finally goes into his office. He sends his mother a quick text to confirm that he’ll meet her for lunch at a restaurant nearby, and then settles in the routine of editing his latest manuscript.

\---  
“Alec!”

His mother waves at him from her seat at the table and he smiles softly. She has been steadily getting better at calling him by his name. She greets him with a warm embrace, something he can’t remember much before the last year. She had not been that keen on physical affection with her children before the divorce. 

“How are you,” she asks as they settle down, and he recounts to her a bit of his work days. 

She smiles proudly when he tells her that three of the manuscripts he picked the year before have made it onto the New York Bestseller list. She shares her own anecdotes of her days, tell him some about the cases her firm is working on. He listens to her latest tales about Max’s antics and he grins widely at that. Unlike him, but rather like Izzy and Jace, Max is a bit of a troublemaker. 

“He is asking to come see you all again, and I told him I would ask you. I know you and I…” she falters in her speech but keeps going after a second of deep breathing. “I know you would rather not I come to your apartment for now, and I respect that. But I was thinking, maybe we could all have family lunch sometime soon? I know you are all very busy, but I would love for you to come see our new apartment. It’s finally all settled and you are the only one who hasn’t seen it yet.” 

He is a bit taken aback by this. Ever since she reached out to him right after she had separated from Robert, there has been a clear understanding that they only ever see each other in public spaces, restaurants and coffee shops. He has picked up Max from the building where they moved a few times, but they’ve never set a foot in each other’s new home yet. He thinks it over for a few seconds before he finds himself nodding. 

“Sure. That would be nice.” He offers a smile, small but genuine, and she seems so relieved he takes her hand and squeezes it. He adds after a few more moments, in a joking voice, “though, I can’t assure that I’ll be free a lot. My job keeps me busy, and Izzy wants me to model for a project at her company. Which is completely ridiculous.” 

His mother studies him for a few seconds, taking in his light tone. Her eyes, hazel eyes he inherited from her while Izzy and Max have the deeper brown eyes of their father, settles on his face with a tenderness he is not accustomed to yet. 

“Why ridiculous? You are a very handsome man, Alec. You could definitely be a model.” 

Her compliment shocks him. He knew his mother was making efforts, knows it has not been easy for her, but to have her acknowledge it like this, so casually, as if it was the simplest, most universal truth? It turns his world upside down. Up until now, he hasn’t really noticed how much she has changed. Before, a comment like this would have been filled with snide and contempt. But now, her face is only filled with love and support. 

“You think so?” He hates that his voice sounds so small when he asks that, hates that he can’t look at her directly. 

She squeezes the hand that was holding her a few moments ago. “I know so. You are a beautiful man, and you are so smart, and I’m so, so proud to call you my son.” 

He looks at her, wide-eyed, feeling as if he is six again and his mother has just told him she loved him. He is a twenty-six years old man, he shouldn’t feel such an outpour of emotions at his mother’s words. But he does, he does and he can’t help it when he feels tears of joy tugs at his eyes. He tries to wipe them discreetly, but his mother is at his side in an instant and she holds him again. She repeats her praise as he hugs her tightly. He ought to feel embarrassed to be making a scene in public, but he holds his mother tighter instead. The surge of love in his chest feels infinite. 

They stay locked in this embrace for a few minutes and he listens to every word his mother whispers quietly in his ear, all the praises and apologies, and the promises to do better. When they finally let go of one another, there are tears on both their cheeks. A single compliment has sent them both into a spiral of emotions. He might have to thank Izzy just for that. 

“So you think I should do it,” he says when she is sitting back in her chair. 

Her soft look is unmistakably misty when she nods. “There is nothing wrong with trying it out. New things are always a good opportunity to learn. And maybe you’ll find inspiration for that novel of yours.” 

He nods, happiness flooding inside him as she remembers such a small detail from a previous conversation. 

“Maybe,” he agrees with a smile. “I’ll let you know what I decide. And… For family lunch… Why don’t you and Max come to our place on Sunday instead? I know Jace would love to cook for you two. He has become quite the excellent chef in the last few months. That school is really doing him good.” 

They settle on a more lighthearted discussion and make tentative plans for this Sunday, but Alec’s smile doesn’t leave his face, and he can see his expression mirrored in his mother. Maybe this whole modeling thing could really be a good thing, for him and for his family.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Family times!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! 
> 
> Thanks for the kind comments! It was a really big motivator to help me get through writing this chapter. 
> 
> This is 100% family times, and 100% happy times.
> 
> Leave a kudos or comment if you like the chapter!

When he tells Izzy that he’ll do it, she jumps in his arms and squeals so loudly he is almost certain he will lose his hearing sooner rather than later. He lets her hug him and talk about how great it will be, trying his best to listen attentively, but his mind is still on the lunch with their mother. It’s been a few days now, since it’s Friday and Fridays mean siblings night, with Jace cooking for them some new fancy dish he just learned. Alec served them all a glass of wine and they are all helping while chatting and drinking. 

“You’re going to model?” Jace asks surprised as he expertly cuts up some vegetables. 

“I asked Alec to model for us!” Izzy grins as she turns around, the knife she is holding too close to Alec’s chest for his comfort. 

“Well, why didn’t you ask me?”

While they bicker lightheartedly, Alec rolls his eyes and puts Isabelle’s knife back on the cutting board. She’s getting better, but he still doesn’t understand how she can be such a genius at cutting up and matching fabrics and then burn pasta a few hours later. 

He thinks back to his mother. He hasn’t told his siblings about the Sunday lunch, is waiting for the proper occasion to tell them. They have both been so respectful of his boundaries, never fought him on the no parents in the apartment rule, even though their issues with Maryse and Robert are born more out of solidarity than out of personal issues. It’s true that Izzy’s coming out was a bit of a stumble in her relationship with their parents, but she has forgiven Maryse years ago now. The two women even have a monthly shopping date. Jace has never had that problem, but after his failed college stunt, his relationship with his adoptive parents also became strained. They all have their own issues, but Alec is aware that their stances are strongly by his side, at all times. He is infinitely grateful for that. 

Still, it doesn’t make it any easier, because he knows they’ll be worried about what pushed him to do this. He doesn’t want them to believe it was for their sake, but he also doesn’t want to have to explain why the sudden change. He wants to keep the memories of that lunch to himself for now, cherish it in his heart and relive the moment for as long as he can before he shares it with anyone else. 

“Isn’t that right, Alec?” 

Jace’s voice startles him out of his thoughts and he looks at them with a guilty expression. They both seem aware that he wasn’t listening. 

“Sorry guys, I spaced out. What were you saying?”

Jace shakes his head but smiles anyway. “I was just asking if you were sure you wanted to do this right now. Didn’t your boss ask you to train a new editor last week?” 

Alec winces at the reminder. Jia did ask him to tutor a new editor, and he is also helping Simon with the transition from assistant to Junior Editor. It means more help with the manuscripts, but also more work to shift around and it is a slightly exhausting task. But still, he is committed to this now. He told Izzy he would be there for her, so he will make time. 

To his brother, he shrugs. “I’m sure Izzy will let me work around my schedule. And Jia has said I could work at home a day a week, so as long as I can stay on top of everything, it should be fine.” 

Izzy starts speaking excitedly again, her wine of glass sloshing around dangerously. She is graceful everywhere else, but here, in the kitchen with her brothers, she is the animated kid who would force them through hours of dress up and long games of pretend. She is a bit clumsy, and takes too much space, but they are used to it, and truth be told, Alec wouldn’t give it up for the world. He loves nothing more than to see his siblings like this, enjoying themselves, close to him and each other. 

They are linked together, in some strange, unfathomable way. They are his world, and he is theirs. They have their share of disagreement, their share of fights and pettiness, but they are always there for each other. When Izzy switched her major from pre-med to fashion in her second year of college, he bought a bottle of tequila and they played the world’s worst monopoly game. When Jace dropped out of university, they went to a laser tag and shot each other for hours before Jace went to tell their mother. They lived together in a miserable two bedrooms apartment with a leaking faucet that would regularly drive them crazy. They can survive anything as long as they stand together. 

“I’ve invited Mom over for lunch on Sunday,” he announces suddenly after finishing his glass of wine. “Max and her will be here around 11:30, I told her Jace would cook.”

The shocked silence that follows is not exactly what he had expected. He had thought there would be an explosion of sound, their voices overlapping and mixing it together loudly. He assumes they are mostly shocked about the fact that he’s called her ‘mom,’ something they are all aware he hasn’t done since he was 17. Since then it has been, up until a year ago, ‘Maryse’. It changed to ‘mother’ sometime in the last year, but ‘mom’ is both new and old. A reminiscence of the past, bittersweet and yet full of a gentle, quiet hope. 

Or maybe it really is the fact that he invited her. It is pretty uncommon for him to change his mind like this, without agonizing over the decision for hour on ends. When he dyed his hair color from black to dark brown, he spent two weeks pacing back and forth in the apartment until Izzy had snapped and dragged him to the bathroom. And that was a minor, almost imperceptible change. For him to not have gone through even more intense phase of indecision about such an important event, it puzzles them. 

“Of course I’m going to cook,” Jace breaks the silence, false bravado written all over his face. “It’s not like Izzy can do more than cutting stuff up at this point, and if you’re going to be a fancy model you might as well rest your pretty face.” 

Izzy and him exchange a glance, and Alec pretends to not see the silent communication that goes on between them. They are, it would seem, all incapable of hiding anything from the others. They don’t say anything to him though, and they easily change the subject. 

When dinner is over, they watch a movie, one Izzy chose, and Alec criticizes the plot while Jace tries to get the characters to change their decisions, and Isabelle simply laughs. It’s a good night, all in all. He almost expects his change of mind to go unspoken, just accepted without questioning. 

Of course, his siblings are too nosy for that. The next morning, he wakes up to the smell of crêpes and he instantly knows he hasn’t escaped the heart to heart. Crêpes are their “we have a hard talk coming up” food; it was one of the first thing Jace learned at his culinary school, and the first thing they made when they moved in this apartment. 

Alec gets up, only pulling on sweatpants and trying to tame his hair quickly, giving up easily enough. He walks to the kitchen and spots Izzy sitting at the open bar with what he hopes is only orange juice and a cup of coffee. She looks surprisingly put together for a Saturday morning, considering her usual mornings are spent lazying around in bed. 

At his inquisitive look, she shrugs. “I gotta go to _Pandemonium_ for lunch, I’m meeting up with Magnus and the head of the fabrics department. I’ll tell them about you then!”

He nods and pours himself a cup of coffee, drinking it quickly and waiting for the caffeine to wake him up fully before he sits and looks at his siblings. They are both watching his movements, their eyes moving around a bit creepily as he pours some sugar on the crêpes. 

“Are you going to say something or is staring at me the new talking,” he asks as he folds it. 

Jace clears his throat. “Well, we were just wondering… You have been pretty strict about not wanting mom in the apartment, and we totally get that! But we are just… worried? That you are doing something you don’t want to just for us again and—“ 

Alec sighs and cuts in before his brother keeps going. “Stop, it’s not for you two. I told you guys, I’ve been seeing her every once in a while. I had lunch with her on Wednesday, and Max wanted to come over. I thought you two would be happy I’m on good terms with her again.” 

“Yeah, of course,” Izzy continues. “We really are happy, if that’s what you want. We just don’t want to pressure you into having her over. What happened…” 

Her speech falters and he takes her hand, squeezing it gently. “What happened is in the past. I’m moving on, just like you did too. And if I’m going to model for your company, might as well do other challenging things. I’m ready for her to come see our place. And I know I’ll have you guys by my side if it doesn’t go right.” 

They nod quickly and Alec really hopes it’s the end of it. He just wants to eat his crêpes in peace. 

\---

The next morning is a whirlwind of movements and emotions. They are all relatively adults, but this is their mother coming over, and their apartment is far from spotless. There is a stain on the kitchen wall that Izzy made when she tried cooking alone and, while it is mostly gone, Alec can’t spot himself from obsessing over it. His sister is cleaning the bathroom with determination and loud music. Jace is trying to act like all the chaos doesn’t affect him, but his eyebrow twitches angrily when he notices they don’t have vinegar anymore and he has to run to the store. 

They manage to have the apartment in relatively good shape when Maryse and Max arrive. Alec is just finishing up fluffing the pillows on the couch when they knock on the door. Izzy darts to open the door before he can, and that gesture makes his heart tightens with affection. He busies himself in the kitchen while she welcomes them, hears them talk, and then he hears Max’s excited yell as he runs to the kitchen, hugging each of his brothers tightly. Alec is really glad that his brother hasn’t deemed himself too cool for hugs yet. 

“Hey Max,” he smiles when the boy allows him to step back and breathes. “How’s school?” 

The boy shrugs and rolls his eyes. “Boring. I finished that book you lent me the other day by the way, it was fun!” 

“Did you bring it back?” 

Max nods and points to the entryway. “Mom has it.” 

Jace throws them a look and Alec reassures him with a glance. He is ready for this.

His mother is standing in the living room, talking with Izzy about her dress. The two women are strikingly similar, although their eyes are different shades and Izzy is slightly taller. They have both the same strong facial structure, a proud standing, and the light smiles they share are echoes of one another. 

“Mom,” he starts, and she startles, her eyes looking teary. “I’m glad you could make it.” 

She comes to hug him and he leans forward in her embrace, letting her hold him for a couple of seconds before he detaches himself. 

“Of course, I wouldn’t have missed it. You have a lovely home, I can definitely see that Isabelle was in charge of the decorations.” 

He chuckles as she gives a teasing look to his all black outfit. “Yeah, she bullied Jace and me into going to a decoration store and lifting everything for her. Took more than one trip, but she managed to achieve her perfect vision.” 

Jace joins them and they all chat while drinking, and Izzy gives their mother the tour before they all sit down at the table. 

It’s when dessert is served that his mother brings up the modeling again, twirling the sparkling water in her glass. 

“So, did you make a decision about helping Isabelle with her project? You told me you were thinking about helping her for a show, right?” 

He acquiesces. “Izzy told her boss yesterday, and we should be able to make it work with my schedule.” 

“I showed him a picture of Alec and Magnus said he had the perfect profile.” His sister grins happily. “He said Alec would be perfect for some of the outfits! Oh, I totally forgot, he wants to meet you tomorrow, you think you can come and have lunch with us? Or we can come to you?” 

He tries to remember his schedule quickly. “I think it might be better if you come to me, I’ve got a meeting with an author tomorrow morning and I’ll probably need to rearrange a few things.” 

She nods and the conversation flows on, Jace indignantly saying he should be modeling as well while Max just laughs at him. Alec looks at his mother and her smile, tender and loving, is one he never tires of seeing. He had thought he had lost her forever, but he is glad it hasn’t happened. He’s glad she has accepted all his terms and conditions, hasn’t protested once. He’s glad and the warmth in his chest spreads slowly. He lets the joy of being with his family engulf him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec finally meets Magnus Bane, and what a meeting it is!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! 
> 
> I'm back with a new chapter! Thanks for the kind comments, I hope you'll enjoy reading Alec and Magnus first meeting as much as I enjoyed writing it! 
> 
> I edited the tags to reflect better the development of the story, but fear not, this is 100% assured that there will be a very happy ending.
> 
> Leave a comment or kudos!

As predicted, he is swamped with work on Monday morning. He got there early to try and get ahead of his busy schedule, but in between deciding which projects to entrust Simon with, which manuscripts to send to the new editor, and arguing with Jia about a new assistant, he loses track of time. Tessa Gray ends up leaving later than he planned as well, but that’s mostly his fault, since he insisted on going over the revisions of her latest chapter with her. He enjoys her company, finds her quite brilliant and amusing, and even if her latest project is not exactly in his sector, she asked for him personally. That means a great deal to Alec, so he always allows himself a moment of proud satisfaction when he remembers it. 

He is just finishing organizing his notes after her departure when his phone rings and Izzy’s face appears on the screen. He only remembers the lunch then and swears before picking up. 

“Iz, don’t scream, I’m on my way,” he says as he attempts to put his coat on while still holding the phone against his ear. “I got busy at work, but I’ll be there in ten minutes, I swear.” 

His sister sighs and says something out of the micro, to whoever is accompanying her Alec can only assume, and then directs her attention back to him. 

“I swear to the angels Alec, if you aren’t here in ten minutes, you’ll never find a pair of socks ever again, you hear me?” 

It sounds ridiculous, but he knows her well enough to know that she means it. He starts walking out of the office, waving at Simon and indicating that he is going for lunch, before reassuring her again and telling her he’ll be there. 

With two minutes left to spare on his ten minutes deadline, Alec makes it in record time to the restaurant. He is in good shape, which is the only reason he isn’t too out of breath after his insane power walk through the crowded streets. He would appreciate keeping his socks, he has found they are quite useful in his everyday life. He gives his name to the hostess and follows her to a table. He recognizes the startling red dress of his sister and smiles a bit before seeing her companion. 

He falters in his steps when he does. The man next to her is the most beautiful person Alec has ever seen. He is dressed smartly, and while Alec doesn’t know the names of the materials, the only thought that goes through his mind at that moment is that it somehow shimmers. He’s ethereal, truly. The bronze color of his skin is enhanced by the jewelry he wears, and his eyes, dark and hypnotizing, are highlighted by masterfully applied makeup. From where his hands are wrapped around a cocktail, he can see that the stranger has deep blue nail polish that matches the streaks in his hair. 

Both him and Izzy look up as the hostess leaves, but Alec is frozen in place, eyes locked with the man’s. There is a smirk playing on his lips, enticing and entrancing, and Alec feels his heartbeat increase slightly. He doesn’t know what exactly is happening, but he knows he wants to see more of this man. 

“Alec, you’re finally here!” Izzy exclaims, and it breaks his reverie. “Let me introduce you to Magnus Bane, my mentor, and also the owner, creator and genius behind _Pandemonium_!” 

The man — Magnus, Alec corrects himself, and isn’t that a delightful name already? — extends a hand, his smile widening. He shakes it and hopes the heat he feels isn’t reflected on his cheeks. He isn’t quite as easy a blusher as he used to be, but around handsome men who like they could devour him whole, he never quite knows how to behave. 

He stammers his name as he sits down, ignoring Izzy’s unimpressed expression. Magnus looks absolutely delighted, his whole face lighting up. 

“Alexander, a pleasure to meet you! Izzy has been singing your praises for the last few days. And I must admit, until just now I could barely bring myself to believe it. But you walked in and proved miracles are real.”

Now, Alec is certain he must be blushing. He must be red; Magnus said all this with such an earnest tone, all while managing to sound flirty and inviting. Hearing his full name also sends a thrill through his body. He chose it when he was just 17, whispering it to himself quietly every night in the secrecy of his bedroom. Nowadays, everyone just calls him Alec, which he likes just as much, but hearing it in that smooth, velvet voice is a new revelation. He wants to hear Magnus say his name every day. 

“I, um, likewise,” he finally manages to say, and he is aware it’s not all that impressive, he works with authors and is literally paid to criticize people’s wording. But he doubts any of the authors he reads and corrects have had to write their manuscripts in the presence of such a divine person. Alec definitely feels as if he’s stepped in one of the novels. People as beautiful as Magnus should not be allowed to exist, if just for the sake of regular, less handsome people. How can Alec be expected to not make a fool of himself? 

“Okay…” Izzy drags the first vowel, looking back and forth between her brother and her mentor with raised eyebrows. “You are still on board with this right? We brought some of the original designs, to make sure you were comfortable with it.” 

“It’s not how we do this usually, but darling Isabelle was very clear that you had to agree to the outfits before having to wear them. And since we all agreed you would be perfect as the central model, I agreed to the conditions. You are really going to cut a startling figure, Alexander.” 

Here he goes with the full name again. It sparks a fire in Alec’s chest, but it’s nothing next to the rush of affection he has for Izzy’s fierceness. He trusts her to not have told Magnus about some things, but she was stubborn and caring enough to assure him some involvement in the project, so he wouldn’t feel too overwhelmed. He gives her a thankful glance and nods. 

“Thanks,” he says to Magnus. “I understand that it’s not usual, and I appreciate the exception you do for me. Izzy has shown me some of the stuff you do, and even if I know nothing about fashion, it really looks great. I’ve never modeled before, except when Izzy was seven and decided to dress me up, but I hardly think that counts.” 

He smiles with some fondness at his sister. He can barely believe he managed to string so many words together coherently. It certainly was a struggle. He decides to go on further, because he doesn’t know how long he has until the strange spell he feels he is under takes effect again. 

“And I’m really sorry about the lateness, I got held up with an author. I’m an editor at _Nephilim_ ,” he adds when Magnus gives him a confused look. No one should look this adorable while being this beautiful, Alec decides. He will have to write down the list of things Magnus Bane should not be able to do, because when the man grins brightly, Alec’s treacherous heart spins in his chest. 

“No worries! An editor then, are you working with anyone I might know?” 

With everyone else, Alec would assume they are just being polite, but Magnus looks genuinely interested, leaning over the table. 

“I don’t know if you would, I mostly handle the Young Adult division. Though you might know Tessa Gray? She is actually the one who made me late.” 

Magnus laughs brightly, and if Alec was inclined to believe a sound could be divine, it would be this one. “Oh, I definitely know Tessa. We actually go a long way back.” 

Alec is about to ask more about that, intrigued, but Izzy clears her throat. Her eyes betrays her amusement, and Alec can tell he will never hear the end of it, but for now she puts on a more professional face. 

“Should we order? We can discuss how to make Alec’s schedule fit with our own while eating.” 

The two men nods and they make polite conversation as they choose the food. Alec knows the restaurant pretty well at this point and he is able to recommend food when Magnus ask him. He stammers through it though, the focus the other man is giving him making him nervous. He can’t believe himself; he wasn’t nearly half as nervous when Jia interviewed him for the Head of Division position. 

Lunch is filled with talk of designs and outfits, and Alec is presented a few options that he looks at critically. He doesn’t know much about fashion, barely understand all the words Magnus and Izzy are exchanging over his head, but he can appreciate the drawings for the art they clearly are. To him, they look like just drawings, but he knows the two others can envision whole outfits, can picture complex shapes that fold over his own body. It’s an astounding prospect. 

Multiple times throughout the lunch, Alec notices Magnus looking at him critically. There is nothing that indicates any negativity, and rather to the contrary, the brown man compliments and flirts at every turn, seemingly enjoying flustering the editor. But with each sweep of his eyes, Alex resists the urge to cover himself, to lower his head and find a way to escape the inquisitive look. His fingers tap a nervous rhythm on the table by the time the bill is brought. He ignores Izzy’s worried expression as he excuses himself to the bathroom. 

There, he refreshes his face with cold water, careful not to let any fall on his shirt. In the mirror above the sink, he catches sight of himself, and pushes away the instinct of looking away immediately. His hazel irises pierce holes in their reflection. He is relatively happy with how he looks nowadays, but he forgot to consider what modeling meant. Being judged, critiqued, commented on, all the time, every day, on his body. The body he spent years erasing from his own consciousness. The body he tried to reconstruct, piece by piece. He isn’t sure if he can actually do this. 

When he goes back to the table, Izzy is alone, Magnus nowhere to be seen. Alec wants to be disappointed, and some part of him definitely is, but the man’s unwavering attention was starting to be a bit too much. When his sister smiles gently, he knows she is aware of why he had to step out. 

“Alec, you can still back out,” she says as she reaches for his hands and he allows her to hold it. 

He shakes his head. “I said I would do it, so I will. Plus, this is your world, this is your dream, and I want to be a part of that. The angels know you’ve let me talk about books and editing for hours and you probably know more about it than you ever envisioned. I want to have the same experience with you. If I don’t feel comfortable, I’ll tell you.” 

She looks torn for a few seconds before she nods. “Alright, but you promise to tell me if there is anything really wrong? If you start panicking, or if it makes you too anxious, we can stop this still. I’m sure Magnus will understand if you have to step out.” 

Alec promises and then adds with a small smile, “For what it’s worth, I think the designs are brilliant. I have no idea how it will turn out in the end, but on the paper it looked gorgeous. The red one was yours, right? I liked the pants, though I’m pretty sure I can’t fit that on my body.” 

She laughs and relaxes, pride shining through her features as she gets up with him while explaining to him what it is. When he protests about the bill, she waves away his concern by saying Magnus already paid for the table.

The man in question is waiting outside the restaurant, fingers tapping away on a sleek smartphone with a sparkly pink phone case. It seems almost out of place compared to the elegant outfit he is wearing, but then Alec realizes there is probably much more to Magnus Bane than the pretty face and beautiful clothes. He feels a sudden need to learn everything possible, but he dampens that desire quickly. They are still basically strangers at this point. 

A charming smile illuminates the man’s features when he notices the siblings. “Ah, Lightwoods! Isabelle, darling, I’m sorry but we both have to get going, we have a meeting with Ragnor coming up, and you and I know how the old fool can be about punctuality.” He rolls his eyes, but there is a fondness in his voice that makes Alec smile. “Alexander, it was truly a pleasure to meet you. If you are able to make it for Wednesday’s first meeting with the team, it would be wonderful. I know Cat will definitely be excited to see you, you have an amazing facial structure. She could do wonder with those eyes, not to mention those lips.” 

Alec can feel the tip of his ears burn slightly, but he forces a chuckle and nods. “I’ll do my best. And I’ll pass your greetings to Tessa when I next see her.” 

“Aren’t you a sweet thing.” 

They part with handshakes and a hug from Izzy, before Alec walks back to his office, his pace much more leisurely now that he doesn’t have the fear of losing an essential part of his wardrobe in his heart. In his mind, thoughts of Magnus Bane swirl lazily, enveloping him. He doesn’t know Izzy’s mentor at all yet, but he can’t deny he would want to. He can’t ignore the way every fiber of his being is attracted to Magnus’ everything. But a seed of fear and of insecurity is growing in his heart, has been for quite some time now, and the roots are solidly anchored now. Even if there is attraction, he isn’t sure he wants to pursue it. After all, who could want him? Why set himself up for disappointment, when he could simply ignore the feelings that push at his heart?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about that last bit?


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The project begins, Alec's anxiety is through the roof and Izzy keeps being the best sister in the whole world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright peeps, this one is longer than the previous ones, and it has a lot packed in! I hope you'll enjoy this one! 
> 
> I edited the tags again to reflect the turn of events, and for anyone that needs it, there is a rather explicit panic attack scene, so if you want to skip it, it's from "Izzy's voice is distant" and ends with "'How are you feeling'". 
> 
> Leave a kudos or comment, it makes my day!
> 
> PS: This chapter hasn't had any proofread of any kind and english is not my first language, so I hope you'll forgive any mistakes! :)

Wednesday finds Alec a mess. He doesn’t have to go to _Pandemonium_ until in the early afternoon, so for now he is at his office. He’s trying to focus on the manuscript in front of him, but his thoughts keep getting muddled. A knock on his door saves him from throwing his pen in frustration. He calls out for the person to enter and Simon peeks his head, looking at him a bit worriedly. 

“Hey boss,” he starts cheerfully and steps inside, holding a cup of coffee that he puts on Alec’s desk. “Everything okay?” 

“Simon, you don’t have to do this, you’re not my assistant anymore.” 

The younger man shrugs. “Maybe not, but you looked like you could use one. You had that murderous Sith look in your eyes.” 

Alec rolls his eyes at the reference. “Thanks for reminding me that I’m on the wrong side, that’s nice to hear. Anyway, it’s nothing. I’m just taking the afternoon off to help Izzy with a project, and you know her with fashion.” 

Simon knows, because he and Izzy had briefly dated for a few weeks, before they realized they were better off as friends. It had been a hard time at the office for Alec; he liked Simon well enough, but the guy was dating his sister. And said sister had insisted on going over the dates in particular details, enjoying her brothers’ squirm and repeated pleas to stop. Simon had thus suffered Alec’s glares for the period he had been dating Izzy. 

“You’re letting her dress you up?” He inquires with a surprised expression. It’s a well known fact that Alec doesn’t pay more attention to fashion than is strictly necessary for his job, which is not very much. 

“She needed a model and asked me to do it,” shrugs the taller man, as if it’s as easy as that. 

Maybe it is. Alec’s only weakness lies in his siblings, he would do anything for them to be happy. Simon knows it’s a reciprocal feeling, that Jace and Isabelle are as ready to fight and get their hands dirty to protect their older brother. It’s slightly unconventional. Simon loves Rebecca, and he enjoys spending time with her when he can, but he can’t imagine living with her like the Lightwood siblings do. He has often wondered what pushed them to be so close, what made their trio the unbreakable force it is now, but they are rather tight lipped about it. He can only gather that it has something to do with their parents.

“So that’s why you aren’t here this afternoon! Never thought I would see the day when Alec Lightwood takes the day off.” At Alec’s exasperated look, he adds with a defensive tone, “you came here when there was a blizzard last winter! Even Jia didn’t come! When you got the flu, I had to call Izzy so you would go home and not spread your germs to everyone.” 

Alec relents with an eye roll. He is aware he is extremely focused on his work, to the detriment of his social life sometimes. He doesn’t really mind it. He doesn’t really care about meeting new people. He isn’t shy, he just can’t muster the energy or desire to talk to people on most days. To him, they are most of the time more exhausting than anything. He doesn’t mind talking to his authors, or to anyone professionally, but as soon as he leaves his work setting, he doesn’t know what to talk about. It doesn’t help that most people find his job terribly boring and that he takes it as a personal offense whenever someone says that. 

“Still,” Simon persists, “It can’t be just helping Izzy with her internship that gets you in such a … murderous mood?” 

Alec doesn’t really feel like explaining himself to him or to anyone. Simon looks eager to help though, having brought in a coffee with what his boss knows is the perfect amount of sugar. They are, Alec admits to himself reluctantly, friends. He should be able to talk to him a bit. 

“It’s just that, from what I understood, the other models on the project are actual models,” he says as Simon sits down, sipping on his own cup of tea. “Like professionals. I’m going to be ridiculous and Izzy is going to be so embarrassed. Also…” he hesitates, biting his lips. “Izzy’s mentor, Magnus Bane, is…” 

“Insanely hot?” Simon fills in when Alec doesn’t finish his sentence. “What, I know the guy! Clary works with him. You know, my friend who just moved back here? It’s because Magnus offered her a job. I can’t believe Izzy is working for him too! Crazy how this worked out uh?” 

Alec smiles a bit and nods. “Yeah, crazy. I met Magnus yesterday and he is quite… magical.” 

“And you’re afraid he’s not going to think you’re as magical?” Simon waggles his eyebrows but promptly stops at Alec’s glare. “Magnus is a nice guy Alec, he would never make a negative comment about you. Plus, from what I’ve heard, he and Izzy are pretty close by now. It’s not like he would want his favorite intern to be mad at him because he was an asshole to her older brother.” 

“I hate that you’re friend with my sister,” Alec groans, without meaning it entirely. Weirdly enough, Simon has managed to fit himself into the highly selective group of people that Alec cares about. It’s definitely strange, and not always welcome, but it’s also kind of nice. Except when he makes sense and reassures Alec, who would like to be allowed to freak out because a beautiful stranger is definitely going to be examining every inch of his body in a few hours. 

\---

When he arrives at _Pandemonium_ , he is suitably impressed by the building. It’s large, probably an old factory or warehouse that was meant to be transformed into lofts before it was bought by Magnus. There is a large neon sign above the large metallic door that gives the name of the company, but every so often a few of the letters turn black, only leaving “demon” to be seen for a few seconds. It gives off quite the impression, that’s for sure. 

Not exactly sure what the protocol to follow is when one is an amateur model brought in on a project because one’s sister begged them to do so, Alec texts Izzy that he is waiting outside. He only has a few seconds to sip on his fourth coffee of the day before the door pulls open and a small redhead appears, smiling sunnily. Definitely not Izzy. 

“Uh, sorry, I’m Alec? Lightwood?” 

The woman grins and waves him inside. The top of her head only reaches up to about Alec’s shoulder, at most, but she exudes an incalculable energy. She closes the door and extends her hand with another wide smile. It’s getting rather to smiley for Alec. 

“Clary Fray, I’m one of the hands, you know, the people who make the drawings come reality.”

Alec shakes her hand and it’s only when he lets go of it that the realization hits him. “Oh, you are Simon’s friend!” 

She laughs lightly and nods. “Yeah, that would be me. Come on, let me take you to the others, Isabelle is waiting for you in the lounge with the others.” 

He doesn’t dare ask about Magnus, although the question burns at his lips. He follows her up wide metal stairs that take them to the second floor. The space is wide and two of the walls are more windows than anything. Despite the relatively stressful situation, a sense of peace touches Alec as he takes in the illuminated area. Close to the stairs and right against the windows, where he guesses the best natural light comes in, desks are haphazardly arranged into a harmonious chaos. As they pass by, he can see on the closest ones pages after pages of drawings, some scribbled hundred times over until it almost becomes an single sheet of tiny scripts. If the drawings were pages of a novel, it would be surprisingly like his own office when he has an important project to finish and he blocks his days to do it. The familiarity is reassuring. 

At the far right end, there are a few couches arranged into a lounging area, and he sees Izzy there, talking to a guy with a face tattoo of a leaf. It’s not the strangest company she has kept, and Alec is willing to admit that the man has a certain charm to him, but he would rather not be a witness to this. Thankfully, Izzy spots him quickly enough and she stands up with a wide smile, drawing to her the attention of the little group assembled there already. And he had thought he had been early. 

“Alec!” 

She strides to him and grins. It’s foolproof, he returns the smile slightly, although it’s a quiet enough one that Izzy would be the only one to notice it. She tugs on his arms, leading him inside the small area, and four pair of eyes are on him, not counting Izzy or Clary, looking him up and down critically. 

“So this is the prodigious brother,” asks a woman, her skin dark and her hair a startling white. Alec has to admit she is beautiful. “Magnus was right, the face is amazing. There are so many looks we could put on him without any issue. He would go beautifully with the azure ensemble, don’t you think?” 

She has turned to the man sitting next to her. As far as Alec can tell, he is older than anyone else in the room. He gives Alec the same once over and nods. 

“Yes, I think there is a lot we can do with this.”

They start talking to themselves and Alec has no idea what is going on, but he thinks he has their approval. Next to him, Izzy chuckles. 

“That’s Catarina and Ragnor. Cat is the makeup artist, slash resident lifesaver, and Ragnor is there for the accessories mostly, but he does a fair bit of design.” Next she points to a woman with light brown skin and long dark hair. “That’s Dorothea, or Dot, and she is a seamstress. And that’s Meliorn, he is one of the other models.” 

She indicates the leaf tattoo guy at that, and Alec doesn’t miss how the man’s eyes flit between him and his sister. Catarina and Ragnor interrupt their conversation just long enough to say a short “nice to meet you” and shake his hand, Dot smiles gently, and Meliorn simply nods, staring him up and down again. Alec feels sweat gathering in his palms, and he sits down next to Izzy silently. 

Quickly, Izzy and Meliorn start their earlier chat again, and Clary draws away Dot’s attention as they both examine a drawing. To Alec’s disappointment, Magnus is still nowhere in sight. 

Over the next twenty minutes, a few other people come in, until there are ten models for the five fashion experts. And still no Magnus. 

Alec hasn’t managed to exchange more than a few awkward introductions with other models, and he inwardly sighs at his own inability to be sociable. He tries to see this as work, tries to envision this as simply another of the horrendous dinner or gala Jia has him attend twice a year, but even then he is never comfortable. Izzy checks in with him every few minutes, but she is keeping up a steady stream of conversation with the models. Feeling out of place, he excuses himself quietly and leaves the lounging area, going to one of the large windows and looking outside. He hears steps coming up to him and glances down to see Clary, who smiles kindly. 

“It can be a bit overwhelming the first time. It’s not your job too, so it must feel really weird right?” She takes his nod for the agreement it is and keeps going. “This is a really fun thing to do though. I’m sure you’ll like it. Oh and… Magnus is running late because he had an overflow of idea yesterday afternoon, and he stayed up all night working. Cat sent him home when she arrived here this morning. But he is on his way.” 

She adds this with an amused expression and Alec fights the blush climbing his cheeks. Was he being that obvious, looking around for Magnus? He doesn’t even know the man well yet. Isn’t even sure he really wants to. 

Well, he knows he wants to. Even if he was better at denying his feelings, he couldn’t ignore the pull of want and curiosity that’s been slowly eating him. What he still hasn’t figured out is if he should, with his past experiences. He isn’t up for another disappointment in that area. It gets tiring, seeing the people he has some faint interest in reject him simply because of who he is. And when they don’t, they always end up disappointing him in some ways or the other. So really, he doesn’t know if he even want to entertain the possibility that there could be something worth investing his time in. 

For Clary, he simply shrugs. “Alright. Everyone here is a professional, right?” 

“Yeah, you’re kind of a special case. It’s the first time we take on a non-professional for a project like this, but when Izzy brought in your pictures, Magnus said it had to be you.” 

Alec doesn’t know how to feel about this piece of information. On one hand, there is a strange sort of joy that fills him with the idea that Magnus really does find him attractive, or at least special enough to want him for this. On the other hand, he already fears the repercussions when they all learn the truth about him. 

It’s not that Alec is ashamed of being trans. He has moved past that years ago. He is rather proud nowadays, happy with who he is. Even if his journey hasn’t been the easiest or the most conventional one, he is the man he is today only because of everything that happened to him. So no, ashamed isn’t the term. But it’s something he would rather keep to himself, or to people he trusts. He has seen how people can react to that kind of information. More than one of his relationships have crumbled before they could become anything relatively good, because his partners felt he had hidden that information from them, had tricked them into being with him. Alec knows he doesn’t owe his identity to anyone, but the multiple rejections, the repeated refusals and insults and accusations hurled at him had taken a toll on his willingness to hope for the best when it came to this. 

“But don’t worry,” Clary continues, blissfully unaware of his inner turmoil, “I’m sure you’ll do great! I mean, you and Izzy are clearly stunning, and if you need help or anything, the team is here to help and to make sure you do the best you can. This is really a team project.” 

She keeps on talking, but Alec’s lost in his thoughts, eyes glued to the skyline. 

\---

When Magnus gets here, they jump immediately in the heart of the matter. Magnus explains his ideas and presents some of the drawings Alec has already seen. Words fly around him and everyone nods along excitedly, but while he can make sense of the words individually, he doesn’t understand the full picture. He tries his best to focus, to give to the spoken words the same attention he would give to a manuscript on his desk, but his thoughts are frazzled, his brain focusing on every little detail instead of trying to see the big picture. Even simply looking at the designer exhausts his nerves. His focus narrows to simply the winged tip of his eyeliner, or the glossy shine of his lips, or the way the rings on his hands catch the light and shimmer softly in the early afternoon light. 

He only realizes he has missed something important when they all stand up, and he scrambles to do the same. He’s definitely the tallest here, but except for Clary and Dot, everyone is near his eye level. Standing up is an indefinite amount of worse. He feels hyper aware of every movement in his body, from the light tremors of his hands to his shallow breathing. His heart is loud in his chest, and he feels completely lost.

“Alexander, why don’t we start with you?” 

Magnus’ voice is smooth and gentle and carries in it all the warmth of his smile. One of his hand is outstretched, indicating to the taller man to come closer, but Alec is frozen in place. It’s ridiculous, he tells himself, trying to shake the panic that’s settling in his bones lazily, he can do this. He should be able to do this. This isn’t hard. 

Magnus frowns slightly at his lack of response but turns to Meliorn. “Maybe we should start with you dear, you know the process and it’ll set an example.” 

Horror mingles with terror in Alec as he watches Meliorn go off to the side with Dot and Clary and strip to his underwear. The two women take his measurements and the other models chat lightly while this happens, as if this is the most common and natural event in the world. 

“Alec, are you alright?” 

Izzy’s voice is distant and Alec can’t seem to focus his eyes on her, can’t seem to be able to breath. It’s too much, all of this burning him and biting him all over. His hands are trembling and he tries to force himself to move, to hide them from his sister’s sight, but he can’t. His body is heavy, and his mind is so slow. When did breathing become so hard? 

A hand settles on his arm, and he finds himself being led away from the group, to an area where an elevator is hidden behind curtains. His feet drag on the floor, but he follows the hand. He can’t focus enough to understand what is happening, and the touch is the only thing that grounds him. It stops him from falling apart completely, allows to his brain to focus on just this and not the overwhelming sensations, whether it is the distant laughter or the fathom pain that settles across his chest. 

Without knowing how, he is sitting on the pavement outside, and someone — Izzy? — is giving him gentle instructions on how to breathe, the voice reassuring and familiar. He forces himself to follow, and slowly, with growing confidence, he readjusts to the world that surrounds him. 

It feels like hours until he is breathing properly, and he feels the exhaustion that accompanies his attacks settle in his mind and body. Across from him, Izzy is sitting on her knees, looking worried, and the first thing that goes through Alec’s mind is that she is going to hurt herself like this. He tells her so and she chuckles slightly, but there is a sad edge to it. 

“How are you feeling?” She asks as she settles herself in a more comfortable position. 

As an answer, he drags her closer to himself and hugs her tightly. She melts into the embrace and they stay like this for a few minutes before he dares giving a proper response.

“I’m better, thanks to you. I’m sorry I—“ 

“You don’t have to be sorry for anything Alec,” she says fiercely, moving back to stare him right in the eyes. “I’m the one who should be apologizing. I forgot that this part of the process would be stressful for you, and I didn’t even warn you about it. We can call this off, you know? I can tell Magnus you can’t, and he’ll understand. I’m sure he doesn’t want you to be uncomfortable just because you told me you would. Your health and safety is more important to me than this project.” 

He smiles, and despite the effort the action takes it’s genuine and full of appreciation for his little sister. “I know, Iz. But I see how happy it makes you that I’m here with you, and I know you really wanted me to join in. And if Magnus is that great of a guy, he’ll understand that there are some things I need to work out before I can undress in front of a bunch of strangers.” 

Izzy nods eagerly and she hugs him again. Her weight against his chest is comforting and while they stay like this, Alec forgets about everything else and lets his love for his sister take over him. He knows how lucky he is to have such good siblings, to have such a great relationship with them.

Going back inside is slightly uncomfortable, but Alec tries to ignore the shame that wells up inside him. When they reach the second floor, Clary and Dot are at two desks and Ragnor and Catarina are nowhere to be seen, like the other models. There is only Magnus in the lounging area now, nursing a drink in his hand and a frown on his face. When he hears the sound of Izzy’s heels clacking on the wooden floor, he looks up and his expression clears to give place to relief. 

“Isabelle, Alexander! Are you two alright?” 

“We’re fine Magnus,” Izzy reassures him. “Where is everyone?”

“I’ve sent the models all home, and Cat and Ragnor went out to get themselves some food. They hadn’t had lunch yet, since I was gone this morning. The project is off anyway.” 

Izzy looks as shocked as Alec feels in that moment. “What, why?” 

Magnus’ eyes dart to Alec quickly but he simply shrugs, the movement graceful and fluid but carrying an edge of desperation. “You know I wasn’t convinced by it, and apart from Alexander, none of the models are right. There is something bothering me about the whole project, and when you two left I decided to not continue it. It isn’t urgent yet, and I just need to figure out what I really want to do.” 

“But the drawings were beautiful,” Alec says, surprising himself, but now that he has started he might as well go on. “If this is because of my reaction, I just have a hard time with—“ 

“It’s not just that, Alexander. Yes, I was a bit shocked to see you leave, but I didn’t call it off because of that. Your reaction was just what made me realize I had to stop. This would have been a disaster if I had gone on. But I am sorry it caused such a reaction. And of course, you’re now off the hook, so there is no reason for you to be stressed anymore about this.” 

Alec frowns deeply. He hopes he doesn’t have his murderous glare on, because Magnus looks somewhat downcast, and he just wants to wrap the asian man in his arms and soothe the worries away. The designer is being so thoughtful and gentle with him, it’s a bit infuriating, It only furthers the well of desires that opened in Alec’s chest when they first met. His resolve to stay away and professional is slowly crumbling. 

“I’m sure you’ll manage to create something even more spectacular,” he says in a soft voice, ignoring the loop of his heart when Magnus smiles at him, eyes shining softly in the sunlight. “I’ve seen what you are capable of when you don’t think you are at your best, and it was already impressive. And….” He hesitates but resolves himself. “If you need my help at any point, I know we don’t know each other well for now, but I would be happy to help. Izzy’s been so happy about this internship, so anything or anyone that makes her this happy is already good in my book.” 

Magnus’ smile widens when Izzy gives a sideway hug to her brother and Alec leans in to kiss her hair lightly. 

“I might just take you up on that offer,” he says, and his mind is already off on the possibilities.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An important conversation between Magnus and Alec, and two grown men sitting on the floor like children, because why use tables and chairs when you have a carpet?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!
> 
> Hope you'll like this chapter! This is heavily influenced by my own experience as trans man and my own complex relationship with fashion and people's perception of me, so this totally doesn't reflect the overall trans experience.
> 
> The next chapter might be a bit slower to come, as I'm moving halfway across the world this week and am getting incredibly busy, but I should be able to put it up by the end of the week at most! 
> 
> Don't hesitate to comment, I love reading those. 
> 
> Enjoy the chapter!

Over the next two weeks, Alec goes to see Izzy at her job a few times. He does it under the pretense of bringing her lunch, protesting that he knows how she gets when she is invested in something, but each time he finds himself conversing with Magnus. It gets easier talking to him now that there isn’t the pressure of the project, now that Alec isn’t afraid of being judged and critiqued on his physique by the handsome designer. 

Exactly two weeks after they first met, Alec knocks on the door only to let himself inside _Pandemonium_ , anyone barely looking up. Downstairs is settled much more privately and cozily than the upstairs, and despite the large windows upstairs, Alec finds himself more drown to this space. There is, for one, a large library on one end, and everything is separated by either curtains that create walls, or by thick tissue screens that give off much of the same effect. The windows here and there are also large and bring in an appropriate amount of natural light, but there are also a few lamps here and there. 

Izzy is on a couch with Clary, both of them staring at a computer’s screen with an intense focus. Lately, Alec has been hearing more and more about the redhead, both from his sister and from Simon. He has also talked to her briefly a few times. The young woman isn’t disagreeable, but she’s always so optimist and positive it almost gives him a headache. He clearly sees how she is Simon’s friend. 

Dot is sitting at a table with Catarina and Ragnor, the three of them comparing swathes of tissue whose hues vary so lightly Alec almost believes he is only imagining it as he passes by. He nods at them, muttering a quick “hello” they return distractedly. 

Putting the bagged food in front of Izzy, he smiles as his sister startles slightly. It seems they’ve all been so absorbed in their work they didn’t even notice his arrival. 

“I stopped by that place you like near my work, and got you something.” 

She throws him an apologetic smile. “Thanks Alec, but I didn’t see your text until a few minutes ago and…” 

When she trails off, he understands what she doesn’t say. “And you already had lunch.” 

She nods. “Sorry Alec. Clary brought in some homemade pizza her stepdad made and it smelled so good… I was too weak to resist!” 

He laughs a bit at his sister’s antics. He doesn’t really care that she already ate. He has been enjoying more and more the opportunities to step out of the office around lunch for an hour or two. It’s a nice change of pace, now that Simon has found his mark, and the new editor as well. Alec feels almost bad he doesn’t remember her name yet, but then it took him about six weeks to stop calling Simon ‘the assistant’, which in hindsight had not been very thoughtful or nice of him. 

“Magnus hasn’t eaten though,” Izzy adds and points to the stairs. “He went up there early this morning and asked to be left in peace, but I’m sure he’ll be happy to have some company for lunch. You haven’t eaten either, right?”

“Are you sure I wouldn’t bother him?”

Next to Izzy, Clary laughs slightly. “I think he would be more annoyed with us if he learned you had left without coming to see him.” 

Puzzled at the statement, Alec looks at the woman, who simply gives him one of her ever present smile. He shrugs after a few seconds and heads upstairs after a few more minutes of easy chat with the two women. 

Upstairs is close to what Alec would, without too much exaggeration, call a war zone. The spacious room has been completely rearranged, the few desks that had been there cluttered into one large and strangely shaped desk in the middle of the room, where fabrics and sheets of papers overlap. A few whiteboards have been brought in and stand in front of one of the windows, covered in writings and drawings. The couch that had been in the lounging corner of the room is now where the desk had been, and clothes cover it completely. 

Magnus stands on top of a chair, surveying the chaos with his arms crossed, back turned to the stairs. He turns when he hears the creak of the metal, and the deep frown on his face melts into a relieved expression. He hops down from the chair as he walks forward. 

“Alexander! What business brings you to my humble abode?” 

Alec almost laughs at that. “I don’t think there is anything humble in this whole place, Magnus. I brought Izzy some lunch, but she already ate, so she suggested I distract you from all this with some relatively good Indian food.” 

“Your sister is truly an angel. Or maybe you are. Whichever is responsible for your presence, and the presence of the food that smells so delicious, is an angel. I’m sticking with that.”

This time, Alec does laugh lightly, The antics of the older man are endearing and rather enchanting. He always looks forward to seeing more. It’s a bit addictive, being around Magnus. It makes him lightheaded and he momentarily forgets his worries. Despite the little time they’ve known each other, despite Alec’s more reserved and cautious nature, he likes to think they’ve become somewhat friends. 

“Mind if I join you for lunch then? I brought enough for two.” 

“Naturally, I wasn’t expecting anything less. When do you have to go back to your own very important work?” 

“Not for an hour or so,” he smiles and starts walking toward the empty chair Magnus just vacated. “Where should we eat? 

Critically, his companion looks around before rummaging through the pile of clothes on the couch and hoisting, with as much glory as a hero bravely showing off the head of a defeated enemy, a few pillows and blankets. Under Alec’s careful watch, he goes to settle those on the large, plushy red carpet near the far end, where the lounging area had been. He sets everything down and organizes it so it will be a comfortable nest of pillows and blankets, and lightly taps the space next to him. 

He looks like an excited child, and it is such a soft and sweet image that Alec doesn’t even attempt to subdue the fond expression that overcomes his feature. He is hopeless around Magnus for some unfathomable reason, and all the defenses he tries to put forward are swept away with one careless gesture of the designer. 

They open their food, talking lightly. Alec inquires about how the new project is going and Magnus groans. 

“Terribly. All my inspiration is gone, dried up and entombed deep within the desert of my own mind.” 

Alec’s eyebrows rise and he says dryly, a casual smile on his lips, “Maybe you should apply all your imagination to your designs, rather than to the fancy words you use. You would make a good writer, if you want to switch careers.” 

Putting a hand to his chest, Magnus look mock offended, the amusement tugging at his lips betraying him. “Alexander, how dare you suggest I abandon my one true love for the written word? Although, if you’re the one offering, I wouldn’t say no. I always have more space for more loving in my life.” 

The wink and joke make Alec blushes lightly, but he simply laughs and shrugs. “I’m just saying, you have a knack for the dramatic. It could work out.” 

They keep bantering lightly, words and jokes fusing between them, and Alec finds himself flustered more than once. The careful line of Magnus’ throat, when he laughs fully and throws his head back, is tantalizing and he wants to taste the skin there, see if it is as soft as it looks. Magnus’ lips, covered in a shiny lip gloss, are inviting and tempting, and Alec is Sisyphus, doomed to always be near his one goal, his one true wish, but never have it realized. Everything about Magnus, from his wits and charm, to the way he sometimes talk so tenderly of the world he lives in, as if it is a precious thing despite all its flaws, is endlessly attracting Alec, pushing him deeper in the feelings that bloom in his chest unrestricted.

They talk a bit more about Magnus’ project, but the man only grows more frustrated, explaining to Alec that the only ideas he has in mind are either already done or too classic. As he says himself, he has a reputation to uphold, and “Magnus Bane and _Pandemonium_ are nothing but extraordinary, Alexander!” 

Near the end of their meal, Magnus is toying with a chocolate candy he found in one of the desks, looking deep in thoughts. Alec jostles him lightly with his shoulder, tearing him away from his reverie. Instead of the smile he was hoping for, he finds himself being looked at with worry and a lingering sadness in the eyes of the man. 

“Alexander, I meant to ask…” His hesitation is clear in his voice, and he drops the candy on the carpet, playing with the large ring on his left hand, “And you don’t have to answer, it’s a personal question, so I would definitely understand if you didn’t answer. We haven’t even known each other for very long and this is very inappropriate of me to ask, I should—“

“Magnus,” the other man interrupts his rambling and puts a hand on the man’s knee, looking at him softly. “Ask away. I won’t answer if I don’t feel comfortable doing so.” 

With a sigh, Magnus nods. “Right, yes. I meant to ask… What happened, during that failed first meeting with the models? I asked Izzy, but she said it wasn’t her place to tell, and of course I would never push for something personal…” 

Alec’s breath hitches a bit, and he retrieves his hand from Magnus’ knee. He doesn’t owe anything to Magnus, doesn’t have to tell him about this part of him. They are friends, and he doesn’t want to lose this developing relationship. The rational part of him, the one that keeps him grounded while the other half is gone gallivanting in panic filled fields, asserts that Magnus would never do that to someone. 

He is, after all, proudly bisexual, a fact that Alec was made aware of in their third meeting, when Magnus had mentioned that two of his exes had gotten together and were getting married that weekend, and how dare them not invite him when he was the one that had introduced them. There is also the sense of safety and calm Magnus feels around him, the excitement Magnus showed when Alec had told him he had just approved a manuscript with a nonbinary main character. 

So, taking a deep breath and holding his own hands tightly on his lap, he says, “I’m trans. The idea of being seen naked, or almost naked, by someone, in front of other people, is a really triggering thought for me. Having to do it with the expectations that I will be judged and commented on is even harder for me. I’ve never been comfortable with my body, and though it’s gotten a bit easier since my top surgery, and I definitely like my body better than I did before my transition, it’s always a hard thing for me to fully… expose my body. But I only reacted that way because I wasn’t expecting it.” 

Magnus looks a bit stunned, and he instantly reaches for Alec, stopping himself right before touching him. “Thank you for telling me. You really didn’t have to, but I’m glad to know. And of course, rest assured that I won’t tell anyone unless you give me permission.” 

Alec smiles softly at the thoughtfulness. “I don’t mind people knowing. I just mostly fear the reactions I’ll get. People have not had the happiest reactions to the news in the past.” 

He says that as casually as he can, shrugging slightly, but Magnus’ eyes harden and this time he puts his hand over Alec’s. “Then they were wrong, and assholes on top of that. You being trans, it’s not a flaw. You are beautiful, Alexander, beautiful and amazing. And your identity, your gender, it’s a profound part of who you are, and it should be celebrated.” 

Alec is a bit stunned, to say the least. Apart from his siblings, no one has ever had that positive of a reaction, and no one had told him he should be loved for who he is, not despite of it. Simon had simply shrugged when he had told him, thanked him for trusting him, and then had asked if he wanted a coffee cake for his birthday or if chocolate was fine. It had made Alec laugh, and even the memory of it is still enough to bring a smile to his lips. 

He looks down, trying to pull from the depth of his mind anything that can convey how thankful he is for Magnus’ words. He doesn’t reach very far though, his eyes stuck to Magnus’ ringed hand still covering his. All his focus goes to the contact in one sudden, heart-stopping moment. Slowly, not daring to look, he turns his hands until one of them is slotted with Magnus’, and gives a gentle squeeze. In his chest, the beats of his heart are so profound, so fast and deep, he fears he might just completely abandon all reason. It’s inexplicable, the way his body reacts to Magnus, as if he is one string of a violin waiting to be played. 

“Thank you,” he croaks finally, voice full of so many unidentifiable emotions he doesn’t even attempt to pull at the strings of his mind. It can wait a later day. 

“You don’t have to thank me Alexander. I mean every single word I said. You are a wonderful person, and you are this incredibly strong man, this devoted brother, this wonderful friend, because of who you are. Your whole identity. Your gender, your sexuality, your intelligence… Without one of those characteristics, you wouldn’t be the same person. The only people who should feel ashamed are the ones who made you feel as if who you are his wrong.” 

Again, that well of emotions, the one he keeps carefully hidden and closed most days, opens. Tears rush to his eyes and he looks away, blinking rapidly to stop them from falling. Despite knowing that Magnus wouldn’t judge him, he doesn’t want to cry in front of him. His words are a balm on a wound he wasn’t aware he had, a tender caress, a kiss on a bruise that has never faded. They won’t sink in fully right now, and it will take a while for Alec to accept them for the truth they are, but it helps. 

When he has control over his emotions again, he turns back to Magnus and squeezes the hand again before letting go. 

“Thank you,” he repeats.

“If you’ll allow me another question, that you are again entirely free to refuse to answer, why did you accept to do the project, if you were aware that this could be a potentially triggering moment for you?”

Alec has heard this question a few times before, and usually there is an underlying reproach, a “you should have known better” hiding underneath the words. He doesn’t hear any of this in Magnus’ voice. Maybe that’s why he choose to answer. The only thing he can hear is the genuine curiosity and the worry he can see reflected in the eyes of the other man. 

“At first, I was going to say no, you know? But Izzy is a force of nature, I’m sure you know that. And well. My mother encouraged me to do it as well. So both of their opinions really weighed in my decision. Mostly though…” he looks up at the ceiling, sighing softly. “Fashion has always been this unattainable thing for me. I’m not comfortable with my body, so I hide it underneath my clothes, and they can’t be nice, because if they are, then people are looking at me. If I wear things that borderline on the more feminine side of things, the people whose acceptance of me only relies on how I physically appears is gone. No matter how masculine I look, no matter how deep my voice is, no matter what I do, some people will use the smallest excuse to invalidate my identity. So I guess I wanted to prove to myself that I don’t have to conform to anyone’s opinions to be myself. I could be a proud trans man and wear amazing clothes, even for just one night. I just wanted to show that I’m proud of who I am, and that I won’t let assholes determinate my life and my choices.” 

The silence that follows Alec’s admission is a welcome one. He has never said this to anyone, not even Izzy or Jace. He knows he doesn’t really have to with them, they have a vague understanding of it, and they always do their best to relieve him of his burdens. But they can’t know and understand everything, no matter how supportive and loving they are. None of them had the horrifying experience he had after coming out, the two years of terror and being forced to be someone he wasn’t, the suffocating and crying and desperate wishing for someone to save him, in one way or another. He doesn’t want them to understand that, because only someone who has lived through it can fully know what it was like.

Magnus turns to him after a few more minutes of comfortable silence. There is a calculating gleam in his eyes. 

“So you wanted to assert that fashion could actually be an enhancement of your identity, and not a deterioration of it?” 

“I guess you could say it like that, yes.” Alec answers, a bit uncertain what Magnus is looking for. 

“So if I came up with a better project and assured you I would do everything to make you feel safe through the whole process, would you agree to be one of the models again?” 

Alec smiles softly and nods. “I already told you I would.” 

Magnus’ answering grin is bordering on manic as the man stands back up in a flash. “Then, my dear Alexander, I do believe I have to get to work!” 

It’s an unexpected turn of events, but not an unwelcome one. Alec watches Magnus go back to the white boards and erase everything, before gathering boxes from underneath the tables and dumping all the fabrics and clothes in it carelessly. He yells for his crew waiting downstairs, his energy certainly making quite the impression on Alec. The editor gathers the remnants of their meal and put them in the closest trashcan, before slowly making his way out of the building. It seems it’s time for everyone to get back to work.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sibling night gets interrupted, but that's not a problem when it's Magnus doing the interrupting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! 
> 
> I managed to get this one done pretty early, so I thought I would post it as soon as I could! Since I have a bit of advance, I might be able to start having a posting schedule, about 3 times a week, so either Monday/Wednesday/Saturday, or Tuesday/Thursday/Sunday, let me know which one you prefer! 
> 
> Hope you'll all enjoy this chapter! Don't hesitate to leave a comment or kudos :)

Alec is playfully arguing with Jace about which movie they should watch that Friday when Izzy’s phone rings. It’s a sibling’s night, which mean that usually she would just sent the call to voicemail, but instead she stands up quickly when she sees the name on the screen. 

“I’ll be right back,” she says while walking to her bedroom. 

Her brothers exchange a look and the same question echoes in their eyes. It’s quiet for a second before Alec shakes his head. 

“She hasn’t told me about anyone. You?” 

Jace shrugs, “I’ve been pretty busy, but I don’t think either. She hasn’t gone on a date in a while though. Didn’t you say she spent a lot of time with that redhead who’s friend with Simon?”

“Yeah, but I assumed it was for work. You think she—“ 

He doesn’t have time to finish his question because Izzy storms out of her room with an excited yell. He thinks he recognizes his name in that sound, but he honestly isn’t sure. Her phone is in her hands still, the screen still lit up with the call ongoing. She doesn’t seem to care that the person on the other side of the line can hear her, which is something he admires in her. He does however feel sorry for them. Izzy can be very loud. 

“Put on some shoes on, and for the love of the angels please put something else on.” She pulls him to his feet as she says this, and the resemblance to Max is striking then. They have the same streak of stubbornness that runs through all of them, although with Max and Izzy it’s mixed with an untampered enthusiasm. They are a whirlwind of strength and orders. 

“Iz, what?” He looks at her phone and realizes that it’s Magnus calling. 

He ignores the flash of jealousy that burns in his belly at the idea that Magnus is calling Izzy on a Friday night. It’s probably about work. It’s not like his sister has any interest in Magnus. She would have told him, if she did. She has been vocal enough about teasing him about his crush on her mentor, despite his repeated insistences that it’s not a crush. She can always tell when he lies to her. It’s annoying.

“Magnus had an idea for a new project but he wants to talk to us about it!” 

Jace jumps up, excited. He’s been asking to meet Magnus for days now, especially since Monday. Alec had made the mistake of telling him that he had come out to him, and since then his brother had decided he absolutely had to meet the designer. Alec doesn’t know whether it’s to assess that Magnus is good enough to hang around his siblings, which would be along Jace’s insane reasoning, or if it’s to see whether the man is truly as fantastic as Izzy make him sound. Neither of those options are satisfying for Alec, who is rather afraid that being confronted by the full experience of the Lightwood siblings would make Magnus uncomfortable. He has been told they are rather strangely united and they act a bit like shield and sword, working in tandem without thoughts shared. When confronted with difficult situations, they are in symbiosis. Perfect connection for a stronger reaction. 

“Can I come too?” Jace asks with his best pleading look, and Alec knows it’s already a lost battle.

Isabelle looks him up and down, narrowing her eyes. “You promise you’ll behave?” 

Jace’s face contorts with faked hurt. “How dare you insinuate I would be anything else than the perfect guest!” 

Both his siblings roll his eyes in perfect synchronization, but Izzy relents. Turning back to her phone, she tells her mentor they’ll be over in twenty minutes, and then promptly hangs up. Clapping her hands, she start directing them towards the door. Jace is wearing a comfortable outfit, but she deems it worthy enough that he doesn’t have to change. 

Alec stops briefly by his bedroom. He loves his outfit, but it’s old and ratty, and he doesn’t want Magnus to see him in this. He still has some pride. He rushes to pull on a comfortable black jean but leaves on his sweater. It’s too large and he has to roll the sleeves up a few times to get them to hold onto his arms, but it’s the softest thing he owns. 

In the entrance, Izzy is tapping her foot to the floor, and when he reappears, she examines critically. With a slight pout, she nods that it’ll do. 

\---

It’s when they arrive around a slightly more residential area that Alec realizes they aren’t going to _Pandemonium_. 

“Izzy, I thought we were going to see Magnus?” 

She looks at him like he has lost his head. “We are. At his loft.” 

Realization dawns in Alec and he suddenly feels extremely underdressed. It’s not that he looks bad, he thinks, but more that he is going to Magnus’ home, and if he has learned anything about the man by now, it’s that his extravagance and presence carries to everything that surrounds him. So Alec doesn’t really want to walk into Magnus’ beautiful loft looking like he stepped out for grocery shopping. He can’t turn back though, not when they have come this far already. Plus, Izzy and Jace are giving him weird looks already, he doesn’t need them to start making fun of him as well. He loves his siblings more than anything, but he also knows them better than anyone. 

When they arrive to Magnus’ building, Izzy types the code quickly and shrugs at her brothers’ questioning looks. 

“I’ve had to bring him samples a few times, don’t get all weird. Everyone at /Pandemonium/ knows his code, no need to freak out. I’m sure by the end of next week Alec will know it too. Although maybe for different reasons…” 

She smirks at her older brother as she pushes the door open and he rolls his eyes. He follows her to the last floor of the building and looks around at the already luscious environment. Their apartment is nice, but the hallways certainly aren’t as fancy. 

“Your man’s got some serious money,” Jace whistles as Izzy knocks. 

“He’s not my—“ Alec’s interrupted by the door swinging open, revealing Magnus in an open flowery kimono with some dark pants that looks painted on him with how tight they are. 

He looks positively sinful, and no one should look that good while they are at home working. It shouldn’t be allowed. Alec should really start keeping track of what Magnus isn’t allowed to do, it’s getting rather long. There are so many things Magnus does that make Alec lose all reason. This particular outfit is definitely one of those things. 

Magnus’ torso is temptation made human. The way the material, and Alec wants to guess it’s silk but can’t hazard this just yet, falls from his skin, revealing the muscles of the man, it’s too much for the editor. All his brain can do his replay the image of Magnus opening the door, the kimono twirling around his chest. 

“Isabelle, Alexander! You’re finally here!” Magnus’ voice breaks his reverie and Alec blushes lightly. 

Next to him, Jace mouths the whole name at him, smirking, before turning to Magnus and extending his hand. 

“I’m Jace.” 

“Ah, the other brother,” Magnus says with an easy smile and shakes his hand. “I’ve heard a lot about you. But please, do come in!” 

Magnus lets them in with a warm smile, and Alec’s blush is not going to die down any time soon. It’s his new reality around the other man and he has yet to adjust to him. 

“Izzy said you had something you wanted to show us?” He asks, and silently congratulates himself for not stuttering or making a fool of himself just yet. 

“Yes!” 

Magnus grabs his hand, not noticing the new redness in his friend’s cheek. With a snicker, the Lightwood siblings follow to the living room which, while as luxurious and beautiful as Alec had imagined, is as messy as /Pandemonium/ was on Monday morning. There are no whiteboards, instead drawings are taped to French windows that lead on to a balcony, but there are also some on the floor and couch. Pieces of fabrics are taped around the papers, and on the low table in front of the couch, there are multiple books open, as well as pictures. Music is playing in the background, and the pop song is not that surprising, once you get past Magnus’ semi-mysterious appearance. 

“This is it!” 

Alec isn’t exactly sure what he is supposed to be looking at. This all look very chaotic to the inexperienced eye. Glancing at Izzy, he is ready to say it looks chaotic even to the experienced eye.

“No offense man, but this looks slightly crazy.” 

Magnus gasps and places a hand on his chest, the representation of mock offense as he looks at Jace. “How dare you insult a genius in the middle of creation? This is a masterpiece, a chef d’oeuvre.” He turns expectedly to Alec, who nods eagerly. “Even darling Alexander says so. This is a perfectly organized artistic expression.” 

When Magnus turns back to Isabelle, who has walked to one of the drawings on the windows, Jace mouths ‘darling’ at his brother, who does his hardest to fight the redness of his cheeks. It’s not his fault Magnus loves pet names, and it’s decidedly not his fault that hearing them in Magnus’ smooth voice flusters him. He has tried to ameliorate it, but over the past two weeks, there has been no noticeable improvement. 

To ignore his brother, who seems determined to pester him, Alec walks forward where Izzy and Magnus are talking excitedly, and looks at the drawings. 

All of them exude an emotion he can’t quite name, something that awakens in his chest a spark of recognition. They are all quite beautiful, and despite not knowing much about fashion, Alex finds them all fascinating. His favorite however is the one where in a top corner, Magnus scribbled and circled three times the word “angel”. 

In the drawings, the outfit is semi transparent in the top, covering the shoulders and one arm, but the rest seems almost completely free of fabrics. The asymmetry is intriguing, and the colors, gold and black, enhance the impression of movement. It promises to be a beautiful piece, and Alex surprises himself by thinking he is excited to see the end result. It seems that he has, through contact with both Izzy and her mentor, developed some appreciation for high couture and fashion. He still doesn’t know anything about it though, and at this point he has become rather afraid of asking. He doesn’t want Magnus to think he’s a total idiot. It’s embarrassing enough that in the first week Alec couldn’t string more than five sentences together before he started stuttering and blushing. 

“What do you think of it?” 

Magnus draws him away from his own mind by appearing next to him, holding in his hands what seems to be a cocktail. Behind him, Izzy and Jace are trying and failing at pretending they aren’t interested in the ongoing conversation, and they both have a cocktail in hand they sip regularly. He accepts the drink Magnus is extending for him and sips it lightly, doing his best to not wince at the sharp taste of the alcohol. He isn’t much of a drinker.

“I like this one,” he answers. “I like the way it falls on the side. It um, it looks like wings. Burnt wings though.” 

The blinding smile Magnus sends his way illuminates the whole room, making the whole place shine brighter just by the clear happiness exuding from the man. Alec is glad neither of his siblings can read his thoughts, because if they could they would mock him endlessly for that kind of thoughts. It’s not his fault being around Magnus make him lose all kind of reasonable thoughts. He’s pretty sure anyone attracted to men would have the same reaction when they have the designer’s whole focus on them. 

“I’m glad you like it! It was actually inspired by our conversation on Monday. I thought, if your offer still stood, you could be a model for this project instead?” 

Alec is a bit stunned by the proposal and looks at the drawing again. “You really want me to model for you? After last time’s disaster?” 

“It wasn’t a disaster, you had a perfectly reasonable reaction to what was a stressful environment. And it’s only fair that you are involved in this, since you are the one that helped me realize what I was missing in my designs lately.”

Giving up on pretending they weren’t listening in, Izzy joins in the conversation, Jace behind her. “What was it, exactly? The designs are gorgeous, but I don’t really see how that was inspired by Alec?” 

Looking at the designs, Alec agrees with her. Everything is so beautiful, so refined and precious, he can’t see anything that even has an inkling of his own self. There is nothing about him that could inspire so much beauty. He is rough and unrefined, nothing to be admired or looked at in wonder. The wondrous colors that shimmer on the paper have nothing to do with him. 

“Alexander and I were talking on Monday when he charmingly brought me lunch, and I realized what was going wrong. Isabelle, do you know why I started /Pandemonium/?” 

Izzy nods eagerly, and her brothers exchange an amused look. Izzy has gushed about it enough that both of them also have a vague inkling of it. 

“You wanted to change things, to move on from the traditional divide in fashion. You wanted to make your own mark on the world, and to make it big.” 

Magnus smiles again, a hint of amusement in his eyes. “I see why Cat picked you to be our intern. Yes, that’s one of the reasons I started my own company with Ragnor and Cat. Before that though, I worked in /Edom/, which, while a great stepping stone, was not the right place for me. There was a definite trend we had to follow, and the ability to play with the divide was actually pushed away. So I started /Pandemonium/ and did just that. Lately though, I seem to have forgotten why I did that and how to do it properly. I thought in terms of male and female bodies and how to accommodate them and dress them best. But Alexander reminded me, there is more than just two types of body. And fashion is sorely lacking in that department. So…” 

Making a wide gesture to the papers taped to the walls and windows, Magnus smiles widely. “Let me present to you _Heavenly Bodies_. My latest creations.” 

Alec is a bit astounded at the idea that his words, his thoughts and feelings, were the things Magnus had needed to continue on, to create something so beautiful. He is glad for it, but it also unsettles him. He can’t see how so much ugliness, how his own self hatred and issues, could influence Magnus to make something that looks so magnificent even just on paper. He hates himself a little for thinking that Magnus is wrong, that Magnus sees something in him that isn’t there. How could his own body inspire this? He is, as repeatedly established by the world, nothing but a deformity, a stain on the perfect tapestry of reality. He doesn’t deserve to be immortalized like this, in clothing and drawings. 

He realizes he has been quiet for too long when Jace jostles him gently with his shoulder, looking at him worriedly. He shakes his head softly. He doesn’t need his siblings right now. He just wants to be alone for a bit. He wants to forget that he exists, that the world is there around him. He wants to forget Magnus’ eyes and the unending kindness and earnestness in them. 

“It’s beautiful,” he says to the man softly. “And of course, my offer still stands. It would be an honor to help you with this.” 

Even while saying this, the words taste bitter on his tongue. He doesn’t believe them. He doesn’t deserve to be a part of this. He doesn’t deserve to receive Magnus’ praises and gentle looks. 

He excuses himself quickly, inventing a meeting early in the morning, before leaving his confused siblings alone with Magnus. He can’t stand the worried looks on their faces.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Family times!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! 
> 
> Hope you'll enjoy this chapter! Don't hesitate to leave a comment or kudos, they make my day :D

The only good thing about crowds is their ability to make one feel like they don’t exist. In a crowd, the individual doesn’t matter so much as the group, the constant movement and the endless flow. Alec remembers being twelve and being lost in a crowd. He remembers sitting on a bench and watching the people moving past him, like he didn’t exist. He hasn’t felt this peaceful since. 

He doesn’t go home that night, not immediately. He finds himself walking around Brooklyn before going deeper into the city, moving on further, following a movement he doesn’t really know he is part of. It’s not until he is at a park, one he knows, that he finally comes back to himself fully. He sits on the swing, no children and their parents around, and tries to calm himself. Looking up, he can’t see any stars in the sky. The night is dark and moonless, and the sudden realization of that is another damper on his mood. He loves the city, feels more vibrant in it, more alive. But sometimes, he yearns for the quietness of the mountains, for the way the snow muffles all the sounds. 

In his pocket, his phone vibrates with an incoming call, and he picks it up without looking, convinced that it’ll be Izzy on the other side. 

“Alexander are you alright?” 

His mother’s voice startles him. The worry and fear he can hear makes him feel a mix of guilt and pleasure. He is happy that his mother worries about him, cares about him, but he hates that he made her afraid for him. 

“I’m fine mom,” he answers, and smiles softly at her sigh of relief. “How did you know?” 

“Jace called to know if you were with me or Max. Isabelle and him have been trying to call you for two hours apparently, but since you didn’t answer their calls, they contacted me. I didn’t think you would answer mine, but I figured it couldn’t hurt to try.” 

She’s more cautious when she says this, as if she’s slightly afraid of his reaction. He should really have a longer talk with her. He has enjoyed having her back in his life. 

“Sorry, I didn’t even realize my phone was ringing. Or that it was this late. I was just walking around, but I promise I’m fine, really.” 

“What happened? I know you three have this Friday night thing where you eat and watch a movie together, did something go wrong?”

“Mom, no, we went to see a friend and I just, I needed a bit of time alone, but it’s fine. I should probably head back to the apartment, anyway.” 

“Oh, yes. Of course.” 

There is a second of silence before Alec realizes he is actually quite close to her apartment, 

“Maybe I could swing by your place first though? You could make me that hot cocoa you always made us when we were younger.” 

He doesn’t think he could mistake the happy lilt of her voice when she agrees to it and tells him she’ll be waiting for him. He only takes a few seconds to answer Jace and Izzy’s texts, informing them of his plans, before he sets off for his mother’s apartment. 

She lives in one of the more high end residential area, not too far from where they grew up, but she sold the house after the divorce. He personally thinks it was a great idea. Even if he had had a somewhat happy childhood, the memories of his last years there were still too strong for him to ever go back there willingly. 

He knocks on the door and she answers quickly, drawing him in an embrace immediately. He is slowly getting used to her hugs again, and he finds that he craves them whenever he feels bad nowadays. Despite the fact that it’s nearing 11pm, Max is still up in the living room, playing video games. He pauses the game only long enough to say hi to his brother before he starts again.

Alec looks around, discovering the new apartment. There are pictures on the wall, of all them when they were younger, but also of Izzy and Jace when they were in college. He also finds one of himself, only a few weeks post his operation, and the smile on his face so wide it looks like it’s splitting it in half. Surprisingly, there are a few more photos of him in recent years strung along the walls and furniture. He doesn’t know what he had been afraid of, but this warm apartment, this physical embodiment of his mother’s love for her children, it isn’t it. He loves it though, adores the reminder that his mother loves him, that she is trying her best despite her past mistakes. 

He follows his mother into the kitchen and smiles softly, small but genuine, when he notices the two cups of hot cocoa waiting on the table. There are marshmallows floating in the hot liquid, slowly melting, and it smells divine even from here. He notices as they both sit down that the cup she’s using is the one he had decorated when he had been in kindergarten, for mother’s day. Warmth floods him, slow and steady. 

“Do you want to talk about what happened tonight?” She asks this tentatively, her hands curling around the cocoa.

He tries to think of what to tell her, tries to imagine telling her about all the emotions that had gone through him when Magnus had said he had created that Angel outfit for him. How to explain the helplessness he had felt, the deep adoration for this man, who had seen the deepest part of his insecurities and had, instead of pushing him away, transformed them into a beautiful piece of art? How to convey the fear, the anxious voice of his mind telling him that this was wrong, that he couldn’t want this, didn’t deserve to wear it, didn’t deserve to be credited for it? It’s quite impossible to describe all of this, especially when he isn’t fully sure himself of why he ran away. 

“Has anyone ever… made you feel so special, you didn’t know what to do with it?” He asks instead, looking down at his cup. 

To his surprise, his mother chuckles gently and takes his hand softly. She squeezes it and waits until he looks at her. Her eyes are full of a quiet love, something he had grown used to in his childhood, but had lost for a few years. Again, he realizes how glad he is that she is back in his life.

“Yes,” she admits in a low voice, “there is someone… There is someone that makes me feel like that. But it’s not a bad thing Alec. Quite the opposite. I know that you are afraid, I know that it’s difficult to accept that someone is willing to take all the ugly parts of you and make you realize that there is more to you than just that… But you have to allow it to happen, to allow yourself to feel wanted and appreciated.” 

He is a bit surprised at the present tense. For some reason, despite having known his parents had fallen out of love years ago, and that the divorce had been settled a little over a year ago now, he had never considered that his mother might date again. He’s happy for her though, and he tells her so, before adding: 

“What if I don’t deserve it though? What if that person thinks I’m great but I’m just… just me.” 

Maryse’s eyes harden, not out of anger, but rather a fierce protectiveness engulfs her. She squeezes his hand tighter and looks at him directly, her words slow and clearly pronounced when she speaks again. 

“Alexander Gideon Lightwood. You deserve all the happiness in the world, you hear me? You deserve to have someone make you feel special and lightheaded, and you deserve to be loved. Anyone that has ever made you feel like you didn’t, and I do include myself in that list, is a fool and does not deserve your time in any way. Whoever it is that could make you happy, give them a chance to do so. You are a wonderful man, one that I am more than proud to call my son.” 

Her speech just causes him shock after shock. Hearing his full name in her voice creates in him an emotional reaction he wasn’t even aware he could have. She doesn’t stutter when she says this, speaking them as if she had spoken them her whole life. As if those words are, just like they are for him, her truth. The rest of her words are not lost on him and he nods softly, trying to hold in the tears, the happiness that threatens to overwhelm him. 

“I forgive you, mom. I’ve forgiven you a long time ago.”

Her own smile contains the same tears he is trying to hold in. She stays quiet and he does the same, sipping on his hot cocoa. It’s a comfortable moment, something he believed he had lost years ago. He cherishes it. 

\---

He ends up staying there for the night, too drained emotionally to walk back to his own place. He takes the guest bedroom and falls asleep quickly, dreaming of a handsome designer and beautiful outfits, of soft words and gentle caresses. 

When he wakes up, he can hear more voices coming from the living room. He can recognize all his siblings, but there is also a deeper voice, one he doesn’t think he knows. A bit curious, he dresses himself back up in his clothes from the previous evening and wanders outside of the bedroom. 

Sitting at the table, his mother is talking with Jace and Izzy, Max nowhere in sight, and a tall, black man is sitting next to her, one arm slung over her shoulders in a casual, intimate gesture. 

Izzy is the first one to notice him and she stands up immediately, coming to hug him tightly. A little knot of guilt forms in his chest; he had been so preoccupied by his own thoughts the night before he had completely forgotten to tell his siblings he was staying over. Jace joins them and they enjoy a few seconds of blissful unity, arms around each other, before his mother coughs lightly, redirecting their attention to the table and the newcomer. 

Alec comes over and kisses her cheek, taking some pleasure in the clear surprise and delight at his gesture. He sits next to Jace, helping himself to a crêpe with a smile. He looks back at the other man and nods. 

“I’m Alec,” he starts, extending a hand. 

“I know,” the man answers, voice deep. Alec can see what his mother sees in him. “I’m Luke Garroway.” 

They shake hands and Maryse observes the exchange a bit nervously. Alec smiles at her gently, reassuring her. She had told him about Luke last night, after he had told her some about Magnus. It had been a strange moment in his life, talking about the men in their lives with his mother, but she had been happier talking about Luke than she had ever been around his father, so he had gotten over the oddity fairly quickly. 

He eats his crêpes, recognizing Jace’s recipe, and wonders how long they’ve all been here. He doesn’t even know what time it is. 

“Alec,” Izzy distracts him, “are you alright?” 

He nods, not really wanting to go into more details in front of someone who’s still a stranger. 

“Magnus wanted us to tell you that he is sorry he upset you again.” 

Alec breathes deeply, and looks at his mother, who nods encouragingly. “Would you mind giving me his number? I should apologize to him personally, and not through you.” 

She simply extends her phone open on the contacts page, and he easily find Magnus, noting with interest that Clary’s name has a heart emoji next to it. He puts down the number in his own phone before turning back to the table. 

Brunch, for it turns out it’s nearly 11am, and he is shocked at his prolonged sleep, becomes quite a pleasant affair after that. Luke is clearly very fond of their mother, and she returns the sentiment shamelessly, leaning into his space easily. Max wanders in at some point, bleary eyed and still tired, and he devours a few crêpes in a matter of minutes. It’s almost impressive. 

They return home in the early afternoon and Alec evades his siblings’ interrogation by going to the shower as soon as they arrive. Under the burning water, he finds himself completely calm, no trace of his previous panic to be found. He resolves himself to call Magnus as soon as he is dressed again, and pads back to his bedroom softly. 

Of course, his plans are thwarted by his siblings, who are lounging on his bed casually. Izzy is glaring at his mirror, or more exactly at the picture stuck on the top, and Jace is playing some game on his phone. They both look up when he enters and he rolls his eyes at them. 

“You two ever heard of privacy?” 

They shrug, unapologetic. 

“We know you man. As soon as that door was closed again, it wasn’t opening until later, and I have work tonight, so we had to do this now.” Jace’s answer is flat but not untruthful, and Alec sighs. 

He pulls on a shirt and some old ratty sweatpants he finds at the bottom of his drawers, before coming to sit with them on the bed. Immediately, Izzy swings her feet in his lap, craving the closeness. Jace, despite not being as direct in his approach, comes closer as well, until the three of them are all in some sort of contact. It’s their own way of handling the trials and errors of their lives. 

Alec remembers clear as day the first time this happened. He had been starting his third year at university and both of them had been starting their first one. Alec worked every evening at a shitty bar, and every morning at one of the Starbucks around the campus, and he had known nothing but exhaustion. He had come back to his ratty studio one evening to his siblings arguing over what pizza to order, and they had all sat on Alec’s mattress, talking all night. He had missed work the next morning, and most of his classes as well, but he hadn’t found it in himself to feel guilty about it. It had been the first time he had really gotten his siblings back from the tear his father had crafted in their family. 

Their little cocoon of warmth is reassuring and Alec lets himself relax fully again. 

“So…” Izzy jabs at his sides and he holds back a giggle as she clumsily tickles him. “What went on last night?” 

“I just, I freaked out. Magnus is… He’s wonderful and really sweet, but I couldn’t figure what he saw in me that was worthy of what he created. I needed some time to think.”

She seems to accept his explanation, and Jace nods as well. 

“So you’re going to model for him then?” 

Kissing his sister’s forehead, he answers her question. “Of course. First of all, I said I would. But also… I think I might need it. It’s a great thing what he is doing, and I think you are right when you say it could work out great for me.” 

“And you’ll get to see Izzy’s boss,” Jace adds with a grin. 

Alec smiles, not even attempting to deny it. “Yes, that’s definitely a perk.”

Izzy laughs softly and they talk some more, close, three hearts beating in unison.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apologies, more Magnus, new people!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello people!
> 
> I have given up on schedules, I shall post like a madman whenever I finish a chapter. This story is also getting out of hand, because I had planned on only 10 to 15 chapter, but this is very much out of the picture by now. On the side, I am also working on another fic, a much bigger project, so I might take a little longer in the future. 
> 
> However! Enjoy this chapter! Magnus and Alec, being absolute darlings! Maia, being the queen she truly is, and lots of others!
> 
> I'm going to edit the tags to reflect the new changes that went on within this chapter. 
> 
> Leave a comment or kudos!

He doesn’t manage to call Magnus until the following afternoon, and by that time he is such more anxious than he was the day before. He knows Izzy has already texted Magnus to let him know everything is alright and that Alec will contact him soon, but that knowledge does barely anything for his nerves. 

When Izzy threatens to steal his black t-shirts, he finally relents and locks himself in his bedroom, knowing fully well that his sister will be waiting right behind the door until she hears him talk to Magnus. She might even stay longer than that. 

He slowly dials Magnus’ number, half praying that he’ll get to leave a voicemail. That would lift the burden of calling off his shoulders. 

But of course, life isn’t so kind, and Magnus picks up after the second ring. 

“The most wonderful Magnus Bane, who am I speaking to?” 

Alec is so thrown off by the line he can’t help the chuckle that escapes his throat. “Uh, hey Magnus. It’s Alec.” 

“Alexander!” Delight is evident in Magnus’ voice. “Darling, I was getting worried! Your sister told me yesterday you were going to call, but since I had no news I thought perhaps you didn’t want to talk to me.” 

“No, that’s definitely not it,” he quickly reassures the man. “Listen, I wanted to talk about Friday—“ 

“Yes of course, I understand if you don’t want to be a part of this anymore. You told me something very personal and I went ahead and made it all about me. I’m really s—“ 

“Magnus stop.” 

At Alec’s command, the other man stops talking. 

“I’m not mad at you. I’m not upset because of what you made. Actually, I’m incredibly grateful for it. It’s beautiful and amazing, and I’m so honored what I told you inspired you to make this. I can’t wait to see it in reality, or to see it on me. I’m sorry I left so brusquely on Friday, it was incredibly rude of me. But it had absolutely nothing to do with you, and everything to do with me.” 

“Well now you sound like you’re breaking up with me,” Magnus quips, amused, but Alec knows it isn’t dismissive. 

The idea that Magnus might want to date him makes his heart beat faster though. 

“Actually no, I’m trying to say, I’m here for you. For your project, I mean,” he fumbles with his words, blushing to his own reflection in the mirror. 

“I’m so glad to hear that Alexander! I couldn’t imagine this project without you. It was completely useless if you weren’t a part of it. This only exists thanks to you, so you had to be a part of it and agree to it for me to go on with it.” 

“I’m sure you would have figured something new even more astounding,” he says fondly. 

“I think, darling, that your opinion of me is a bit biased.” 

Magnus’ tones is so clearly flirty Alec doesn’t know what to do with it. So he stutters a bit and manages to say a few more words. He barely has time to say goodbye and hang up before he slumps on his bed. He pushes himself in his pillow, willing his brain to forget his own existence. Behind him, the door is pushed open and then the bed bounces with a thrown, added weight. Looking up, he sees Izzy smiling proudly. 

“Look at you! I’m so proud of you!” 

He raises an eyebrow, doubtful. “Proud of me for?”

“For actually talking to Magnus, you idiot! You are clearly into him, and please don’t try denying it you two have been flirting ever since you met. And now that you’ve been nice and sweet with him, everything can go back on track!” 

His expression remains unchanged at her words. “And that would be?” 

“Next step is first date!” 

Alec splutters then, sitting up so quickly his head is dizzy for a few seconds. When he regains full capacity of his own self, he glares at his sister. 

“I’m not asking Magnus out on a date!” 

She pouts. “Why not?” 

“Are you going to ask Clary on a date,” he counters and takes an immense amount of pleasure at the light blush that spreads on her cheeks. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m only working with Clary.” 

Alec snorts. “Yeah, that’s why you text her all the time, and that’s why you ditched me for her stepdad’s pizza the other day. You left me on read two minutes after I sent you those texts, I checked.” 

She groans and falls next to him on the bed, her hand hitting him in the chest. He winces slightly. She is much stronger than she looks. 

“Fine, she is really cute, and I think she’s into girls as well. And she’s really fun, and she has a great fashion sense and…” She trails off, sighing. “I really like her. But I’m working with her. What if it doesn’t work out?” 

He rolls his eyes and pushes at her shoulder with his own. “I don’t remember you having those concerns when you dated Simon, my assistant.” 

She shrugs. “It wasn’t the same, you know? I liked Simon well enough and I had a great time with him, but ultimately we were better off as friends. Clary… I don’t know if I could go back to being her friend, if we actually became more, you know?” 

He does, he really does. That’s why he himself wouldn’t date at work, wouldn’t date a friend. Magnus is… a different problem. He sighs in much the same fashion as she did earlier and takes her hand, squeezing it.

“Well aren’t we a pair of well matched idiots?” 

\---

Alec is just stepping out of work the next evening when he received a text from Magnus, asking him to come by _Pandemonium_ now, if he was available. Answering in the affirmative, he heads to the fashion warehouse. He is maybe a bit anxious about being around the man again, after his outburst on Friday and his hushed apologies the day before. He is afraid Magnus would realize he had been wrong in how he considered Alec, that it had all been a mistake and Alec would be cast aside once again. It’s all very selfish of him, thinking that Magnus’ entire world focuses on him and him alone. 

When he enters the warehouse, with only the shortest of knock as so to let know he is indeed there, he hears chatter coming from upstairs, and finds no one in the downstairs area. He would find it strange, but it is the first time he’s come here in the evening. It might very well be that they are only downstairs when they are having lunch. He walks up the stairs and freezes slightly. 

In the large room are gathered about ten people. Some of them he knows, like Magnus and his team, although Ragnor and Dot seems to not be there. Magnus is, like he always is, like he always should be in Alec’s opinion, at the center of the attention of the group. He is resplendent, wearing a dazzling red coat that seems to shimmer in the light, sending sparks of color around him, and his hair is coiffed in a spike with a deep burgundy read threaded through. For now, Alec only saw him from behind and he only let his eyes linger for a second or so on the man’s backside before he quickly looked away; the tight pants Magnus favored were in no way leaving anything for the imagination. 

When he arrives close enough, some new faces turn to him. There is a beautiful dark skinned girl with deep green eyes, her neck marked by three thick scars who stares at him with some suspicion as he kisses Izzy’s forehead. Strangely enough, he recognizes Meliorn from the failed model meeting, and it’s not nice per say, but it’s also somewhat appreciated. 

Magnus sends him a dazzling smile when he notices him, bright and beautiful, and Alec does his best to try not to lose himself in it, but it’s a lost cause. Magnus has a pull over him that’s almost present in the air. If Alec had not given up on his dream of becoming a writer, he would call it an aura, a halo of goodness and safety. 

“Alexander, so glad you could make it,” the man exclaims and extends his arms around. “This is the team for _Heavenly Bodies_! Since you gave me your go yesterday, I contacted a few other people who would be interested in the designs. And since you are the main model and also the inspiration, I wanted you to meet them.” 

Alec smiles again, something he does more and more since he met Magnus. “Nice to meet you all,” he says as he waves a hand. “I’m Alexander, though most people call me Alec.” 

“And as you can see,” Magnus pipes in cheerfully, looking quite happy with himself, “I’m not most people.” 

The black girl chuckles, her curls dancing around her head softly. Alec has a feeling he has met her before, or at least seen her, but he can’t exactly recall where or when that might have happened. 

She extends a hand and says, “I’m Maia. You’re the Angel then?” 

Alec shakes her hand and frowns a bit before he remembers the beautiful outfit he had seen drawn Friday. He can barely believe that Magnus would want him to wear something so beautiful, but he isn’t about to protest. Magnus is giving him the opportunity to be do what he has wanted to do for a while now. He won’t pass it and disappoint himself again. 

“Yeah, I suppose I am,” he answers with an easy smile, before he remembers suddenly where he saw her. “Wait, weren’t you the cover story of _Jade Wolves_ this month?” 

Alec has been following almost religiously the release of _Jade Wolves_ ever since it started three years ago. It’s a magazine, produced and written mostly by trans people, and every month they feature a queer person and allows them to tell their stories. They also feature art and stories by LGBTQ+ people, which has always been one of Alec’s main interest in the magazine, although he always appreciates reading about other people’s experiences; despite the pain and suffering some went through, they all became strong and beautiful, and they’ve all found their own community of people they love. Alec has his siblings and Simon, and now his mother and Magnus, he has to admit, but he sometimes craves to have someone who understands him, someone who went through similar things. 

Reading Maia’s story had been an emotional moment for him. The woman had lived through so much pain, and she was just Alec’s age. Her parents, who had adored her for her academic and athletic prowess, had completely turned their back on her, saying to everyone that she had died in an accident abroad, and they had cut all ties with her, when she had only been 19. Alec had felt familiar pangs of pain at this, memories rushing through him. But he hadn’t put the magazine down. He knew if she was telling her story now, it meant that her life had gotten better, that she had found what she wanted in life as well. 

Now, he doesn’t remember all the details, but the woman smiles back, pleased but there is a tad of shyness in her eyes. He understands. Exposing herself like this must have asked a lot of her. He determinate himself to talk to her after this whole meeting is over.

Magnus beams at him when he recognizes Maia and introduces him to the others. There is Meliorn, Olly, who asks that they use gender neutral pronouns, and Josephine (“or Jo is fine as well”). Most of them are clearly not models either, although Josephine and Meliorn know each other and have already done a few shoots together. 

Magnus starts talking again, moving around, animated by his passion for everything around, and this time the project takes a real shape for Alec. Unlike the last time, he is quite calm and in control of himself. There is also the added benefit that Magnus will have them all strip again for measurements, not now that he knows some of Alec’s history with it. The project is exciting, and in the way Magnus speaks there is an excitement for it, a real passion. 

Slowly, a picture forms in Alec’s mind of what they are here for, and he starts to understand something so fundamental to the project, so profoundly at the heart of it, that it’s blinding that he didn’t see it before. Everyone here struggled with their gender identity, they are all, in some way or another, trans. They are what Magnus call the _Heavenly Bodies_. The feeling that spreads in Alec’s chest at the realization is warm and beautiful, and for the first time he truly believes in Magnus’ repeatedly calling him “beautiful.” 

They part ways after half an hour, Magnus telling them they’ll all be called in when they are needed, and Alec take that opportunity to go talk to Maia. He gestures to Izzy that he’ll be back in a few before catching up with the woman. 

“Maia, wait up,” he says as she is starting down the stairs. 

Thankfully, she does wait up and he doesn’t look like a total lunatic as he reaches her and smiles a bit shyly. They go downstairs together, not saying much until they are outside the warehouse. 

“I wanted to thank you,” he says once they are both watching the slowly lowering sun. At her confused glance he adds, “For your article, in _Jade Wolves_. It was beautiful. I understand what you went through wasn’t easy, or wasn’t beautiful, or anything, but… I’ve been reading the magazine for years, and no other articles had caught my eyes that much before.” 

She smiles a bit abashedly, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. “Thanks Alec. Even if that’s not why I did it, I’m glad my story caught your attention and you enjoyed it. It maybe wasn’t easy or beautiful, but it made me who I am. It made me the strong person I am today and, in some way, I’m glad it happened when it did. Better in the past than looming in my future.”

He nods, understanding her point. Once it’s over, it’s over, and there is nothing else to do for it. The waiting is as torturous, a slower pain that poisons heart and soul. 

“Isabelle and you,” she asks softly, “are you guys… dating?” 

He startles a little at that, laughing softly. “Oh Angels, no! She’s my little sister. No need to worry about her and me.” 

They exchange a grin.

“Magnus was very happy when he saw you,” she says, a bit teasingly.

Alec tries to hide his blush but he know she fails when she laughs again. “Was he really?” 

“I’ve known Magnus for a few years now, and I assure you, he lit up when he saw you with Isabelle. And he did this for you, didn’t you?” 

Alec splutters a bit helplessly before shrugging, his cheeks still burning a bit. “I just…. Told him a bit about my experience, you know? And he decided to do this on his own. I don’t know if I’m the reason he created this, or that he did for me. He’s a good friend.” 

“Friend, right…”

They continue to chat for a few more minutes. Their conversation flows easily, neither of them on their guards like they would be around other strangers. Alec realizes it’s the shared struggle; their identities are a block they have to get past to trust people. But here that block doesn’t exist, they are both aware that the other won’t invalidate them based on that. It’s not that they can’t trust other people, of course not. It just removes a layer of fear, a layer of uncertainty. 

They end up exchanging phone numbers before Maia has to run off to another appointment. He goes back inside, happy with himself, and joins Magnus and Izzy upstairs. They’ve put the drawings on a table and are talking with Clary and Catarina, and he watches them for a few minutes. They are moving the drawings around, exchanging words he doesn’t always hear or understand, and they are all so focused they don’t notice him by the stairs. 

He goes back downstairs and, knowing that they’ll likely be here all evening, orders some food for them all. He doesn’t know what he can do, but he wants to help as best as he can. 

He ends up assisting Clary and Catarina in bringing materials from the storage room downstairs. The large swaths of tissues he carries are all more impressive than the one before, but Magnus rejects most of them with growing frustration. He is pacing around the room, brows furrowed tight. When Ragnor and Dot come back with some new samples, his face only slightly relaxes as he picks a few he deems correct. 

Alec doesn’t know how to help him in a better way. When he gets the alert that the food is there, he pays quickly before bringing the bags back upstairs. Magnus tries to argue that they don’t have time for this, but Alec stands his ground firmly, using his extra inch to push the other man into sitting down on the carpet like they did the previous Monday. The others take their share and excuse themselves downstairs while Alec arranges the food for both of them.

When he sits down, Magnus is still frowning and looking deep in thoughts. There is a part of Alec that wants to feel a bit proud that the project he has supposedly inspired Magnus to create is so important to the designer already, but the much stronger need to take care of Magnus is a constant pull. So he hands the other man a plate with some sushi on it and brushes the back of his hand against his, knuckles gently colliding. 

“Magnus,” he says in a soft voice, “Take a break with me, alright? You can get back to it after.” 

“I can’t,” Magnus protests, poking at the sushi dejectedly, “I don’t have the right fabric and I can’t start anything without it.”

“Then we’ll find a solution. We’ll go get the fabric as soon as we can, and everything will work out. This is the first official day on this project, you have to give it some time.” 

Magnus looks up, looking at him with a careful, wondering look. “We?” 

Alec curses himself silently but he nods. “Yeah. I told you, I’m here to help in anyway you want me to. So if that means getting up at 4am to go get fabrics from out of town with you, I’m here. If it means forcing you to take a break and enjoy a meal, I’m here too.” 

There is a fondness in the other man’s eyes at his other words, and he nods softly, thanking him, before they start to eat. They talk casually all throughout dinner, and they end up fighting like children over the last salmon nigiri. Alec yields it to Magnus, who accept it with a royal nod, and this starts them on an endless laughter. It’s relieving, bright and comfortable. It’s everything Alec wants with someone, and he allows himself to let his feelings grow in his chest. Golden sparks of happiness flutters around him and Magnus. They are, in that moment, unbound by time. They float together in a world of their own, where their laughter and soft looks are the only thing that matters.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!
> 
> Might not be able to post until next Monday, but I hope this short chapter will be good enough until then! 
> 
> Enjoy! Leave a comment or kudos if you like the story :)

Two weeks later, Alec is in the middle of a meeting with Tessa Gray, both going over her latest manuscript and chatting lightly, when his phone rings and the ridiculous picture Magnus insisted on taking two nights ago appears. On the picture, Magnus is making a kissy face, looking absolutely adorable with glitter all over his face after Madzie, Catarina’s daughter, had ‘accidentally’ thrown a whole container of it over both of them. Alec still found some in his hair that morning. 

Tessa sees the picture and she chuckles. “Magnus hasn’t changed, I see.” 

Alec laughs a bit. “You mean to tell me that Magnus Bane, the great and wonderful Magnus Bane, has always loved covering himself in glitter?” 

She laughs as well after that before letting him pick up the phone. He moves a bit away to the window, turning his back to Tessa while he answers. 

“Alexander,” Magnus exclaims immediately in a dramatic tone, “you need to come over right away!” 

“What? Why? What’s going on? Is everyone alright?” He’s already rushing back to his desk and grabbing his jacket, sending Tessa a panicked look. 

“A great tragedy happened,” Magnus sighs loudly as Alec walks to the door, “I have lost my favorite pair of scissors and I cannot do anything without them.” 

Alec stops abruptly in the doorway. The rush of fond annoyance that runs through him is unexpected, but not unwelcome; he has grown, over the course of the month he has known the designer, to find that Magnus is already precious to him. 

“Magnus, I was in a meeting. Have you looked in Dot’s desk?” 

“I have looked everywhere, Alexander, everywhere! And I can’t find them. I am doomed. I shall fail, and now everything will fall apart and the world will never know what a glorious, amazing, wonderful collections it has missed.” 

He can’t help the laugh that escape him this time and turns back, going back to sit at his desk. Tessa looks intrigued so he simply puts his phone down on the table, turning on the speaker so she can hear Magnus, who is still going on about what a great tragedy this is.

“Hello Magnus,” the author says with laughter in her voice, and that stops the man’s speech abruptly. 

“Tessa Gray!” He’s clearly delighted at the interruption. “I had no idea Alexander had a meeting with you this morning!” 

“I tried to tell you, but you were very frantic about the world missing out on your talent,” Alec teases and listens to Magnus’ lilting laughter on the other side of the line. “Did you look underneath the golden tulle? I think Clary used them last night to make that model for Maia’s second outfit.” 

There is a moment of rustling before there is a loud triumphing yell and Magnus comes back on the phone. 

“Alexander, you are truly my savior. How shall I ever repay you?” 

“Why don’t you start with not calling me when I’m in a meeting?” 

Magnus’ pout, although not visible, is clearly audible when he answers. “But then I wouldn’t get to hear your wonderful voice, and that would be such a shame. But I shall leave you now, to your very serious meeting with dear Tessa.” 

“I’ll drop by in the afternoon and we can catch up a bit, what do you think,” she says with a smile. 

After Magnus’ more than positive answer, the phone call is dropped and Alec is left with a smirking Tessa. The author looks at him with amused eyes. 

“Alexander, uh?” 

She knows most people call him Alec, even does so herself. Only few people ever call him Alexander, he had told her once at a writer’s event where he had gotten slightly too drunk, that it felt too intimate. He regrets that moment with a burning passion now. 

“Yes, he insists on calling me Alexander.” 

“Does he also insist on calling you at every minor inconvenience?” She’s teasing him, her smile illuminating her gentle face. 

“We are… working on a project together. He’s making me model for him. And since Isabelle works for him, I lend a helping hand whenever I can.” 

“Including knowing what fabrics he uses?” 

Alec mumbles as he puts his phone in his desk. “I went to help him pick out and carry back the fabrics two Saturdays back.” 

She laughs brightly at that, loud and happy, and he almost rolls his eyes but the memory of it is too sweet for him to be annoyed in any sort of way. 

He had borrowed Simon’s van and picked Magnus up at dawn in front of his loft, and then they had made the trip to the warehouse where Magnus got all his fabrics. It had been quiet and peaceful in the car, both men quietly talking about the project, Alec listening to the designer. If before that he hadn’t been sure of his feelings, there had been no doubt in his heart as he listened to the softly spoken words. The warmth in his chest had been a constant affection, something that had built from his immediate attraction to the man, had grown through Magnus’ kindness and gentleness, but also through his eccentricity. 

The warehouse in itself had been an experience. Magnus had examined everything carefully, with clear excitement, and had spent some time explaining the uses of every fabric to Alec. He had gone a bit into details, going on about the history of some, the way others had entered day to day fashion, and all kinds of facts that had thoroughly enamored Alec even further.

Tessa coughs slightly, bringing him back to his current reality. He tries to not get flustered, but she has a knowing look in her eyes.

“He is a good man,” she says simply. 

“I know,” Alec answers in a soft voice, before saying more firmly, “Let’s go back to the manuscript shall we?” 

\---

He is packing up his things that evening when Simon knocks on the open door. 

“Hey boss!” 

Alec rolls his eyes at him. “What do you want Simon?” 

“I know you are going to _Pandemonium_ ,” he starts saying and rises his hands in defense at Alec’s glare, “Izzy told me you go there basically every evening now, I’m not like a stalker! Anyway, I was just wondering if I could go with you tonight? I promised Clary I would drop by at some point, and you know the way.” 

With a long suffering sigh, Alec agrees. “But don’t you go blabbering and touching everything.” 

Simon gasps loudly, mock offended. “I’m not a child!” At Alec’s level look, he adds, “I didn’t mean to break that tower of glasses, I just slipped on a napkin!” 

“Which you could have avoided if you hadn’t been blabbering like a mess to … who was it already?” 

Simon sighs and looks away. “Raphael Santiago, Cain Firstson’s PA…” 

“Exactly.” 

Simon sighs again. “Okay, I get it, I’ll behave properly in front of your boyfriend, blablabla. So, I can go with you?” 

“He’s not my boyfriend. But yes, let’s go.” 

The walk over to the fashion company is filled by Simon’s innate ability to chatter without pause. It’s almost impressive in how well he is able to keep up, what with the fast pace Alec keeps. He pretends like it annoys him, but in truth it has stopped bothering him a long time ago. Whenever Simon happens to be sick, Alec almost finds himself missing the man’s non-sensical questions and answers. 

He doesn’t knock anymore, simply pulls the large iron door open. Izzy is sitting with Clary and Maia, the three women chatting while looking at two slightly different fabrics. A month ago Alec would have been totally lost on the finer details, but now he can tell that one is a light blue shade while the other is a powder blue shade. It must be for Maia’s third outfit, the one representing the sea. Outside of the one showing the Fall of the demons that Josephine is lucky to wear, _/Deep Sea_ might be Alec’s favorite outside of his own three outfits. 

Simon immediately bounces over to Clary, the redheaded smiling happily at her best friend’s appearance. She introduces him to Maia as Alec drops a kiss on Izzy’s forehead before waving at Maia. The two have gone out to drink twice since they met, once with Izzy and Jace, and once alone, and Alec is starting to really get along great with her. She has a snark he didn’t suspect, a sharpness of mind and tongue that keep him on his toes. It’s amusing. 

He leaves Simon to chatter to death with the three women and goes upstairs. Ragnor, Catarina, Dot and Magnus are looking at a model, the four of them concentrated and talking amongst themselves, so Alec doesn’t say anything. He lets them work while he puts down his briefcase next to what he has started considering as ‘his’ desk. It had showed up right after the trip to the fabrics warehouse, and it’s always oddly empty, so he has started leaving a few papers in it, a few pens and documents. He works on manuscripts here sometimes while Magnus works with the other models. 

He’s aware it’s extremely rare for a designer and his models to be working so tightly together on a collection, but Magnus had explained himself quite simply when Alec had asked. 

“This collection isn’t meant to shine light on me, Alexander. It’s meant to shine light on you, on Jo, Meliorn, Maia, Olly… Fashion always restricts itself to a binary of gender, to a boring reality that doesn’t exist. With _Heavenly Bodies_ , I want to break that. But that’s not necessarily me, so I want to make sure that the models, you and the others, all agree with my vision, and that it remains something you’re interested in. This isn’t about me, but rather about you all.” 

That had left Alec misty eyed, so he hadn’t asked again, rather he had gone back to looking at the new fabrics. There was nothing he could have said anyway. 

Sitting at his desk, he pulls his laptop from his bag and opens it on a document he has visited and revisited hundreds of time over the years, his own manuscript. He started the story when he was still closeted, still locked in someone else’s body in his parents’ house, and the beginning is so raw, so painfully showcasing his own pain, it makes it hard to look at sometimes. He technically finished the story three years ago, when he had finally gotten his approval for his surgery. But he had never been satisfied enough with it to bring it to an editor or publisher. Since then, he has been tinkering with it, trying to make it better, to find the missing piece in this story that he truly does love. Looking at Magnus and his coworkers, he thinks he knows what he is missing. 

It’s only twenty minutes later that Magnus notices his presence. The man bounces over to him happily, disturbing him while he’s starting to really get into the story again. But Alec doesn’t mind one bit, not when Magnus’ brilliant, beautiful smile is aimed at him. He’s convinced no one could be angry when the most beautiful man in the world is smiling at them this way. Alec is _extremely_ aware that he’s smitten, he answers to the voice that sounds annoyingly like Izzy, and he doesn’t care one bit. Magnus Bane deserves to be appreciated and loved, and to have the world see how magnificent he truly is. 

“Alexander, how long have you been waiting here?” 

Alec shrugs and smiles, “Not long, don’t worry. I was working anyway, so that’s not a big problem. Is everything solved?” 

Magnus looks at the mannequin he’s pointing at. “Not exactly. It’s a complicated concept and we are having a bit of troubles matching the idea to the real thing.” 

“It’s only such an issue because Magnus is a stubborn old fool,” Ragnor adds as he passes behind them with a roll of of green satin. “Good evening Alec. I thought I heard young Simon downstairs as well.” 

“Hey Ragnor,” Alec smiles lightly. “Yeah Simon is downstairs, talking everyone to death I’m assuming.” 

The older man laughs slightly and puts the fabric where it is meant to be. “Sounds like Clary’s friend indeed. Now if you two will excuse me, a hot cup of tea is waiting at home for me and I dare not making it wait too much.” 

Cat and Dot come over to chat for a bit, before both go downstairs as well. The loud chatter from downstairs wafts over, laughter mixing in with jokes and dancing voices, but Alec only has eyes for Magnus. 

“So, what help do you require tonight?” 

Magnus teaches him how to walk for a runway that evening, making him try on old outfits. It’s ridiculous, but he laughs so much he hardly recognizes himself. At some point, Izzy, Clary, Maia and Simon join them upstairs, and they spend the evening joking around and making messes of themselves. When Jace calls, because somehow both Izzy and Alec forgot it’s Friday night, the blond man grumbles, but brings everything he prepared to _Pandemonium_. They eat on the floor, and it should feel strange, but Alec laughs all evening long, with his siblings and his new friends. He watches Maia, Clary and Izzy, the three of them off in a world of their own by the end of the evening. Jace and Simon are arguing, Magnus watching over them with a fondly annoyed expression. It’s a sweet scene, and Alec smiles happily, feeling at home here.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The show is there!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!
> 
> Sorry for the longer than usual wait, I got incredibly busy since I last posted and this is the first moment I actually have free to post! But the next chapter shouldn't take as long to be up. 
> 
> Quick disclaimer: I have no idea how the actual fashion world works, but I'm rolling with vague movie knowledge here, and a healthy dose of imagination/aspiration. 
> 
> Enjoy this chapter! Don't hesitate to leave a comment!

The night before the show, everyone’s nerves are frayed. Because it happens on a Tuesday night, Alec has taken the Monday and Tuesday off from work, which surprised about everyone at _Nephilim_ , from his boss to the receptionist. Usually he feels some kind of guilt when he misses out on work, but he’s so busy with the planning and organizing that he doesn’t have time to feel bad. 

_Heavenly Bodies_ is going to be a success, he’s sure of it, and repeats it to a frantic Magnus. They are all at _Pandemonium_ to organize the details, the minute by minute planning that they’ve already gone over a thousand of times over the last two months. Izzy, who finally managed to ask out Clary and Maia, is going over the seating with the redhead, while Cat and Dot are going over the timing, and Ragnor and Magnus oversee the final tries of the models. 

All the outfits are splendid, and they each have three. Alec is, thankfully, not the one to open the show. Melon starts it with _Cosmos Redshift_ , a cloud like representation of the galaxy it is named after. The five of them will introduce, in total, fifteen outfits, along three themes that fit with the original arch of Magnus’ inspiration. In the first theme, which Magnus called “Universal Grandiosity,” they each represent one part of the celestial body. Meliorn is the galaxy, Maia is the sun, Jo is the Big Bang, Olly is the moon, and Alec is the planets. 

On the whiteboards strewn all throughout the upstairs area, the second part is titled “Earthly Pearls” and Magnus has been very insistent on it, despite Ragnor’s reserves and comments that it has been done before. To Magnus’ credit, Alec sincerely doubts anyone has ever done it in a more stunning way. Maia opens that section with her _Deep Sea_ outfit, Jo follows with _Unending Forest_ , Meliorn will take his turn in _Dying Fire_ , Alec wears _Wild Breath_ and Olly is _Humanity_. When Magnus had asked them, Olly had been a bit freaked out, but Maia had calmed them down. Out of the five models, Olly is the shyest, and there is a fear in them that lets Alec think something bad happened to them. 

The last set is truly the masterpiece of the whole collection. Magnus titled it “Further” and they had all understood his message; this was about the future, about advancing and becoming better. This was for them. Apart from Alec, they all chose the outfit they thought represented them best. Jo chose _The Fall_ , a dress that transforms from an angelic design to demonic colors, and she smiled wildly when she tried it on. Olly chose _Life_ , a beautiful representation of everything they are. Meliorn picked _Demon_ , a green and black patterned outfit that feels elegantly decadent. Maia, dressed head to toe in black garments that give her a holy atmosphere with the smatterings of gold, is _Death_. And Alec is the _Angel_. He still doesn’t know if he deserves it, but he has tried it on enough time that now the gold and black clothes feel completely natural. 

Magnus is fretting over Olly’s veil in their second outfit when Alec finally puts back on his normal clothes. Grabbing the hand of the designer, he forces him away gently.

“Everything is going to be fine, more than fine. Everything is going to be absolutely perfect Magnus.” He says all this in a strong voice, pouring all his faith in the collection in his voice. 

Under his hands, Magnus’ shoulders are tense and the designer is looking back to the outfits with some desperation. “What if they hate it? What if they think it’s not enough, what if—“ 

“Magnus Bane. If anyone tomorrow thinks that, I will personally kick them out of the room, and with great pleasure might I add. Everyone is going to love it. My mother is very excited about finally seeing it, and I can tell you she has been asking to meet you for months now. She is very insistent.” He doesn’t say she has been pushing him to ask the other man out. “And you’ve invited journalists, and fashion critics, and all those other important people I don’t understand the function of. My point is, they’ll love it, and you. And when the show is done, everyone will know what genius Magnus Bane really is.”

Slowly Magnus relaxes and he sighs profoundly. “I just want everything to be perfect. I love this project with all my heart, Alexander, and a part of it is because you were there. You all helped me, supported me. Even if we were virtually strangers before this, you took a chance on me, for yourself maybe but it meant a great deal for me. And I want to thank you for that, because I would have been completely doomed with the other collection. I love this one so much, I put my soul in it. I need it to succeed, Alexander. I don’t think I could stand it if I failed now.”

Gently, Alec takes him in his arms and hugs him, praying silently that the other man can’t hear the wild beating of his heart. It’s insane how much Alec reacts to him nowadays, how attuned his body is to every single gesture of the other man. Sometimes he swears his feelings are too much for him to handle. For now though, he pushes all that deep down. It isn’t about him, it’s about Magnus and helping him with the project.

“You won’t fail Magnus. I promise you, you won’t fail. And even in the impossible, crazy possibility that something goes wrong, I’ll still be here. We will all still be here.” He presses their foreheads together in an intimate gesture, trying his best to not think about kissing the man. “You’re a fashion genius, Magnus. Remember that, okay?” 

Magnus breathes in deeply, and when he exhales it tickles Alec’s neck. “Right… Thank you.” 

They smile at each other, foreheads still pressed together. They don’t move until someone coughs next to them and Alec startles, stepping away. Maia is looking at them, amused. There are still traces of the gold make up Catarina tried on her eyes, and it highlights her eyes perfectly. Alec can see why his sister spent an entire evening drunkenly blabbering about her beauty. Maia is truly a spectacular woman, sharp and beautiful. 

“If you boys are done, the food and alcohol is here. Izzy ordered pizza, and there is enough for about twice as many people as us.” 

Magnus doesn’t even look embarrassed, rather he just takes Alec’s hand in his ringed one and heads back to the others. Alec tries his best not to react, not to get flustered or anything, but everyone around their circle has a knowing look that tells him he isn’t as discreet as he wants. The designer doesn’t look at all bothered. He is calmer than before, allowing himself a break. Throughout their lunch, he keeps a hand on Alec’s knee, rubbing circles there with his thumb. 

Alec has never felt more at peace. 

\---

The next afternoon is spent at the venue Magnus rented. He refused to hire any decorator, so Simon and Jace come by and helps Alec, Magnus and Izzy set up the room while Catarina and the others take care of the backstage area. It’s not complicated by any means, but the fashion designer is quite exigent and just the way that the chairs are placed take them longer than Alec could have anticipated.

Alec places a calming hand on his back when the fretting becomes too much. 

“Magnus. You moved this chair more time than I could count. The guests are going to be arriving in less than an hour, we should go get ready. Jace and Simon can take care of welcoming everyone, alright?” 

“But this is—“ Magnus starts to protest before Alec shushes him by putting his hand on his mouth. 

“No but. Backstage, the two of us, hop hop. Izzy is going to come with us and Jace and Simon can take care of the rest.” He pushes the other man backstage, not letting him speak.

Isabelle follows her brother and her mentor, laughing softly to herself, but he ignores her, too focused on his task of handling Magnus. Maybe he has been considering that over the previous months, he and Magnus have been taking care of each other, have been at each other’s side for a lot of things. Magnus came with him to a writer’s luncheon three weeks ago and completely charmed everyone there. So yes, maybe he has been considering that, if he were to ask Magnus out, it wouldn’t end in a total disaster. But for now, the show is all that matters. 

Magnus focuses all his energy on the outfits after this, making sure everything is perfect while they all put on the complicated designs. He’s nervous, but rather than jumping around like before, he is now calm and detailed, talking in hushed tones with Cat and Ragnor. Clary helps Alec put on his planets outfit, and he looks at himself in the mirror. 

“You look amazing Alec,” his sister’s girlfriend whispers with a smile.

He would be reluctant to agree with anyone saying that kind of things usually, but right now he can’t protest. Everything about him is beautiful right now. His eyes are painted golden and orange, and Catarina applied a light yellow lipstick on his lips as well. He has on a blood orange asymmetric shirt with intricate brocading and Ragnor just finished installing a few necklaces, black and brown and so light he almost doesn’t feel them. His pants are tight and he doesn’t remember what the fabric is called, but it’s smooth and stretchy enough that he can move comfortably, and it shimmers in the light. His hair has been styled backwards carefully, and Izzy placed on his right hand a ring on which there is two disks large enough that it encompasses his whole hand. It’s strange, yes, but it’s also good. It feels liberating, to wear this kind of eccentric outfit. 

“Thanks Clary,” he says softly, still looking at himself. 

He turns and looks at the other models, and everyone looks fantastic. Meliorn is simply splendid as the blue galaxy, looking truly divine as the lights within his dress starts shimmering softly. Maia is radiant in a long red skirt that drags several feet behind her, with her golden corset that opens into a tulle headdress that surrounds her. 

The show starts and Meliorn walks on the runway with confidence, hips swaying to the music. Jo follows, then Olly, and then it’s Alec’s turn. It’s nerve-wracking, walking out, but Izzy pats him lightly on the shoulder before he passes the curtains. The light, once he’s there, is almost blinding. There are whispers and clicks of cameras, but he doesn’t care. He feels, for the first time in many years, beautiful. Looking in the crowd, he sees his mother, Jace and Max. Maryse looks close to crying, but her smile is so proud that he thinks it might simply be tears of joy. 

The rest of the show goes in a blur. It’s exhilarating, and he feels freer like this than many times before. By the time the curtains close for the final time, he is in his Angel outfit, and too lazy to actually change. So he simply removes the jacket with the long sleeves that give the impression of singed wings, hang it up on the hanger, and keeps the shirt on, finding that he quite likes the sensation of his abs being exposed. The golden top with the black stitching and lace stops a few inches underneath his scars, and sometimes if he stretches, he can feel the soft fabric reveal them. His pants are closer to his comfort zone, tight black, but there are delicately embroidered angel wings and halos all over. He might actually keep those pants. 

He joins Maia on her way to the main room, which has been turned into a reception area in the meantime. 

“Looking good Lightwood.” She says with a grin. 

“Is that how you asked my sister out? Because if so, I’m starting to have serious doubt in her taste of partner.” He grins at her laughter as she pushes back the curtains. There are still journalists talking to Magnus, and he can also see his mother talking with his siblings. He leads Maia towards Izzy, who smiles happily and kisses her girlfriend, starting to gush about her performance. 

“Oh Alec, you were splendid!” His mother exclaims as she draws him in a hug. 

He laughs lightly and returns her embrace warmly. Ever since the night he panicked at Magnus’, he has spent more time with her and they’ve truly learned to know each other again. 

“Thanks mom.” 

“I told you, you’re so handsome! And that Magnus, he truly knows what he is doing, dressing you like this. Don’t you look amazing, I can hardly believe it!” 

She keeps gushing for a few moments and he smiles warmly before Izzy steals her attention away. She introduces her to a Maia, who extends a hand shyly and seems slightly taken aback when she is drawn in an embrace. 

“So,” Jace asks while smiling widely, “why aren’t you with your man?” 

Alec rolls his eyes. “I told you, Magnus is not ‘my man’, we’re just friends.” 

Jace shrugs. “That’s always going to stay that way if you don’t do something about it. He’s way too respectful of your boundaries, the poor dude.” 

Alec rolls his eyes again, but he wonders if his brother is telling the truth. Is Magnus afraid of crossing a boundary, of sending Alec panicking away? The thought bothers him. He wants Magnus, wants Magnus to want him half as much as Alec wants him. He’s slowly been falling for Magnus, one minute at a time, with the certitude of a thousand asteroids crashing on earth. 

The rest of the evening passes slowly. Alec eats some of the hors d’oeuvres, although he is tempted to simply go to the nearest convenience store and just get himself some sandwich. He is a bit annoyed as well, because all the journalists keep Magnus away, and whenever he manages to speak with him for a few seconds, the designer is turned away immediately by some pressing reporter who wants to ask about the collection. 

Izzy notices his frustration when they are nearing the end of the evening, after their mother has gone home with Luke, which they had all learned that evening also happened to be Clary’s step-father. When he tells her, using half words and stolen glances, she laughs at him so loudly multiple people look over them. Alec wants to be annoyed with her, but he knows she is right; he is being ridiculous. 

Slowly, all the reporters, all the press, all the surplus of people leave. When it’s only the crew, they start tidying up while chatting. Simon stays over to help, and when Izzy starts to complain she’s too tired, he leaves with Maia, Clary and her, driving them all back to their own apartments. Catarina, Ragnor and Dot follow not too long after, the three of them hugging Magnus and smiling proudly at Alec. 

They are left alone, finally. It’s quiet at first, a comfortable silence after a night filled with chatter and noises. When he finishes his section, Alec sits on the runway. He’s tired, exhausted out of his mind, but his body still feels on fire. He hadn’t anticipated how good it would feel to have strangers admire him as he wore clothes designed like those ones, after all those years spent hiding it behind unfitting clothes. When he closes his eyes, he can still hear the thrumming beat of the music, can see the eyes glued to his every move. 

A hand touches his knee gently and he opens his eyes to see Magnus in front of him, staring at him with soft eyes. The designer looks tired but there is happiness shining in his eyes. He glows with pride and contentment. It’s a beautiful thing to witness, and Alec wants to see it everyday. 

“You were magnificent out there.” Magnus breaks the silence first, moving forward a bit until both his hands are on Alec’s knees. 

The touch sends a shiver all throughout his body. “Your outfits were brilliant, I only wore them.” 

“Yes,” Magnus says teasingly, “I can see you’re still wearing one of them.” 

“You said those were ours,” Alec protests laughingly, drawing the man closer to him, opening his legs slightly. 

Magnus slots himself against him, humming lightly. “I did say that. And let me tell you darling, I don’t regret it. You look positively sinful in this outfit.”

“Am I not supposed to be an angel?” 

Magnus’ answering laughter could bring kings and queens to their knees with how truly heavenly it is. The designer might say that his models are the ones who are beautiful, that they are the ones with the _Heavenly Bodies_ , but Alec knows better. If there ever was an angel on this earth, Magnus Bane is that angel. 

“You are,” the man answers, brushing a strand of hair away from Alec’s eyes gently. “You really are.” 

Their eyes are locked together in some gentle embrace, and they are so close to one another they can feel the heat that radiates from the other’s skin. And yet, it doesn’t feel strange. Rather, it feels natural. Being this close is just a step ahead compared to the dancing around they’ve been doing for the last couple of months. Their movements are full of tenderness, of careful thinking. For once, Alec wants to throw away caution to the wind. He is tired of waiting for something to come. He has taken his chances before, why not now? So he leans forward slowly, eyes on Magnus’ lips, but he stops a couple of inches away. 

“Is this alright?” He whispers despite the absolute silence of the room. Maybe it’s the overwhelming sound of his beating heart.

Magnus smiles softly. “More than alright, Alexander.” 

When Alec finally closes the gap between their lips, it’s not full of passion and strong and burning. It’s quiet. It’s coming home after a long day. Magnus’ lips tastes like the lipgloss he miraculously still has on. It’s perfect. 

They separate with a quiet smile and Magnus’ hands caresses his cheeks before drawing him in for a second, a third, a fourth soft kiss. Alec loses count, loses all sense of his surroundings. All that matters is Magnus, Magnus and his soft eyes, his plush lips, his gentle touch. There is nothing quite as important as Magnus Bane.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bad news, bad day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back with a new chapter!
> 
> This one is a lot more heavy than the previous ones, with TW for dissociative panic attacks, mentions of abuse, transphobia and deadnaming. I'm adjusting the tags so they reflect this, but be careful! I'll put a summary of the update for people who don't want to read it, in case this is too triggering for people.
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy the chapter nonetheless! And again, this is a very personal take on some of the events, it does not reflect everyone's experience. 
> 
> Leave a comment or kudos if you like the fic :)

Alec has locked himself in his office that morning. He has a deadline to meet and, with his mind so focused on the show, on Magnus, on this new thing between them, he might be slightly later than he would like. He still has time, of course, but he also wants to be able to meet Izzy and Jace for Siblings Night. He missed last week because he had ended up staying at work late to catch up on the work he had missed at the beginning of the week, and he had only realized how late it was when Jace had called him worriedly. So he has forbidden his new secretary, he thinks her name might be Helen?, to let anyone through, or to allow phone calls, unless it’s an emergency. 

When his phone rings, he is thus quite exasperated. Was he not clear enough? Nonetheless, he picks up the phone and answers with a clipped tone. 

“Alexander Lightwood, Head of the Young Adult Division at _Nephilim_.”

“Alec,” his mother’s voice comes through, and the tension in it makes him sit straighter. “I need to tell you something, but you have to know it’s not your fault in anyway, and I’m here by your side.”

“Mom, what? Is this an emergency? I’m really busy and—“ 

“Your father is back in town,” she cuts in. “He has seen pictures of you in Magnus’ show and is asking for custody of Max, saying that he has bad frequentations and I’m endangering him.” 

Alec feels a heaviness settle upon him, biting into his shoulders and rattling his bones. The mere idea of seeing Robert again sends him back to his younger self, to years of pain and constant sadness, and to an overwhelming amount of anxiety that had eaten his heart, almost devouring him fully. Fathom pain spreads across his body, aches and bruises blooming back on his skin in his memory. 

“Alec, I won’t let him take Max away, you need to know this,” his mother keeps speaking, and her voice is still tense but she is reassuring as well and he lets that part wash over him like a cooling salve. “And I’m with you, you’re my son, I love you. You hear me, Alec, I love you. Your father won’t take that away from you again, I promise.” 

“Right,” he hears himself whisper in the phone. His voice sounds far away, almost like it’s not his own. He has lost himself to his memories. Strangely, it’s not the day that he told his parents that comes up first. But rather, the day he left. The last day of a long, torturous year. 

The heavy air of the party his father organized for his eighteenth birthday fills his lungs and when he blinks, he is back to his childhood home. He was smaller by a few inches, but he still towered over all the girls in the backyard. His mother, Maryse back then, a stranger he hated with every fibre of his being, had forced him to wear a dress, long and flowing, and had styled his hair so that it would fall in small curls on his neck. He hated it, hated all of the people there. All of his father’s associates and their sons and daughters, and all their small talk and gossip. 

He had walked in the party, unhappiness written on his face and disdain for the people present as well. 

“Eleanor,” his father had called, merry and already slightly drunk on the expensive whiskey that had been definitely inappropriate to have for his child’s birthday party, “why do you look so sad, this is your birthday party! Have some fun for once, and stop being such a spoilsport. Enjoy yourself, and who knows, someone might actually look at you for once!” 

He had laughed loudly then, his colleagues guffawing next to him. It was tempting to just walk back to the house, but this was his birthday party after all. And his parents would make his life a living hell. Alexander, not Alec yet, not anything but pain and sorrow yet, walked forward and smiled, forcing his mouth into the terrifying grimace that would please his father. He got a side hug and then tried to escape, but his father’s grip on his shoulder was too tight. 

They already hated each other then. The insults and remarks, and the hands that gripped too tightly arms and shoulders, those were already a common sight in their house at the time. Robert Lightwood was a hateful, unhappy man, and he had decided long ago to drag everyone down with him. His favorite target had been Alec. 

A hand grips his shoulder and a voice brings him back to his current reality. Simon is staring at him worriedly, phone in his other hand. It’s only then that Alec realizes that his own phone is just making static noise in his ear. He hangs up and looks at his friend, but his movements are slow and everything feels disconnected. 

“Yes, ma’am,” Simon is saying on the phone. “I’m with him right now. Could you call Izzy to let her know I’ll be bringing him back to their apartment please? Thank you.” 

He hangs up and Alec feels like it has all happened in less time than it took for him to blink. He’s so tired suddenly. 

“Hey boss man,” Simon is speaking again, but his voice is still far away. “Think you can stand up on your own? Or do you need my help?” 

Alec tries to answer, but his voice is stuck in his mouth, and said mouth doesn’t seem to want to cooperate. So he tries to stand up, but as soon as he straightens up, his legs give out under him. Simon catches him quickly, the younger man stronger than he looks as he pushes him back in his chair. 

“Don’t move Alec, alright? I’m going to pack your stuff and then I’ll drive you home. You think you can hold on until then?” 

Alec nods, tiredness pushing at his eyelids as he watches Simon frantically move around the room. He remembers when Simon had first started, he had barely been able to look Alec in the eyes. He feels bad for how threatening he had looked back then. They moved on, eventually. And now, Alec would consider Simon almost as close as family. The younger man has a willing heart and an eye for detail Alec definitely appreciate, despite his tendency to chatter too much and refer to everything by codenames he found in his latest sci-fi or fantasy show. 

He is brought back to the present when Simon reappears in front of him and slowly helps him up. The other man calls for the new assistant to open the door, and Alec belatedly realizes he still isn’t sure what her name is. When they reach Simon’s van, Alec’s legs protest at the prospect of getting into the seat, but he does it anyway. 

The drive to the apartment is slow. They get stuck in the ever present traffic and Alec get jostled with every small hole in the road. He is too tired to holds himself properly, so he moves in his seat ever so slightly, and every few minutes Simon has to push him back into his seat. 

After an excruciating elevator ride, they arrive in front of the door. Simon knocks, but no one answers. He looks through the bag he packed, but there is nothing close to a key shape in there. Apology in mouth, he goes through his pockets to find them, but comes back up empty handed. Alec slides up to the floor and brings back his legs to his chest, willing himself to become smaller. He wants to become so small, so insignificant that he can slip through life unscathed, untouched, forgotten by the cruel hands of fate.

Simon sits next to him, quiet for once. When Maryse called him, it had been unexpected. He wasn’t even aware she had his number, but he supposes it’s from when he was still Alec’s assistant. The woman is a force of nature when her children are concerned. The clipped explanation that Alec needed help had been all Simon had needed to barge into his boss’ office. He has never seen Alec like this before. Quiet, slow, barely aware of his surroundings. They’ve known each other over three years at this point, and this scares Simon more than his first interview with the sullen man. He knows what panic attacks are, has helped Alec with one before, but this? This is so much worse. 

So they wait, silent and alone in their own minds.

When Izzy arrives twenty minutes later, she finds them both there. Dragging her keys out of her bag, she opens the door without a word and helps Simon maneuvers her brother inside the apartment. Carefully, they bring him to his bedroom, and Izzy takes care of his shoes, jacket and shirt. She knows Alec, knows he hates having wrinkled clothes if he can avoid it. 

Closing the door behind herself, she finds Simon sitting at the kitchen’s counter, looking stunned still. 

“Thank you for bringing him home, Simon,” she says quietly and he nods back. 

“Of course. I left his keys at the office though, sorry about that.” When Izzy waves his concerns away, he continues, “Will he be alright? It’s just… Usually he is less…” 

“Absent?” She fills in, when he trails off. At his nod, she sighs. “Yeah. It doesn’t happen often. Not anymore at least. He’s overwhelmed, right now. Will it be alright that you two took off?” 

“Don’t worry, I’ll cover for him. And I’m sure he will insist on finishing what he was doing during the weekend, so I brought everything he was working on.” He points to the bag he put on the counter. “But Jia will understand if he’s late. Can I ask—“ 

“Better not.” Izzy looks a bit sorry to be saying this, but she doesn’t back down. “If Alec wants to tell you, it’s his choice.” 

Despite the curiosity and worry, Simon nods. “Alright. I should probably head back now, inform the big boss about the situation, and do my work.” 

Izzy lets him go with a hug and another thank you, before she lets Magnus know she won’t be coming back today, and settles in the living room. She can only wait now.

\---

Alec blinks awake slowly, and his body feels heavy, unbearably so, but he pushes through the heaviness, sitting up slowly. He doesn’t know what time it is, the world is still blurry around him. He feels as if he has been thrown around in a laundry machine, all tumbled and returned, and fogginess is settled heavily on his mind. His throat is sore, begging for water, and he doesn’t understand why. He doesn’t understand a lot of things. Why is he in his bed? Why does he feel so tired? 

When his eyes settle properly, he can read the numbers on the digital alarm he keeps. _4:30pm_. This only makes him question everything so much more. Why is he home so early? Why was he asleep? How did he get home? The last thing he remembers is work, his mother calling and—

 _Oh_ , he realizes, _it happened again_. He feels so stupid, so idiotic for reacting the way he did. He doesn’t know how he got here, but he doubts he is alone in the apartment. So he stands up, muscles burning a bit as if he had finished running a marathon a few hours ago and was trying to start another one, and opens his door. 

Noises filter in from the kitchen, and that’s where he directs himself. He recognizes Izzy’s loud whispers and the familiar, soothing sounds of Jace cooking, although he can’t smell anything. He simply assumes that, for now, his brother is just getting everything ready. 

When he enters, his mother is sitting with Izzy, which doesn’t surprise him. What does however, is Magnus. Magnus, who is sitting there with a cup of tea in his hands, and who looks worried. Magnus whose face, as he sees Alec appearing in the doorway, lights up in relief. 

“Alec!” Izzy walks up to him quickly and hugs her brother, which he returns. The touch is grounding, and the familiarity of his sister’s embrace helps him settle back into reality. 

His mother gives him a long hug as well and kisses his cheek, eyes filled with sorrow and worry. Jace only clasps his shoulder with his left hand, the right holding a sharp knife. When Alec reaches Magnus, the man is still sitting down, but Alec understands. Their relationship is still so new, they still haven’t really told anyone yet. After this though, Alec thinks everyone will know. He doesn’t really care. He simply sits next to Magnus and takes the designer’s hand in his own, their fingers intertwining. The little squeeze Magnus gives warms him to his core, and he smiles gently. 

“Alec,” his mother starts, “How are you feeling?” 

He shrugs and drinks the glass of water Jace hands him. “I’ve been better, but I’m alright now.”

“I shouldn’t have called, I should have waited until we saw each other but I didn’t want to risk you running into him unprepared. I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t be mom. It’s not your fault Robert’s an asshole. You said he wanted to take Max?” 

Maryse sighs, “Yes, he thinks I’m surrounding him with bad influence and he got his lawyer to draft a letter to the judge. But he won’t take him, I promise you.” She reaches out and squeezes his free hand. “No one is taking him away from us.” 

Magnus looks a bit confused by what’s happening, but he doesn’t say anything. Alec realizes then that he has never met Max, and has never heard of Robert. He realizes with a startling jolt that Magnus, the man Alec has been falling for steadily through the last month, is meeting his mother again, not two weeks after they first kissed. If he wasn’t drained from the previous panic, this would definitely cause him some anxiety. As it is, he looks between the two of them, quietly trying to assess the situation, and doesn’t see any tension related to that. Maryse even seems to be looking at the two of them with some fondness. 

“Mom,” Izzy speaks up, “he doesn’t have your new address, right? He can’t come and… hurt you guys, right?” 

Their mother caresses Izzy’s hair, tender and loving. “He knows the address, but he wouldn’t dare coming to harm us in any way. I’m more worried about Alec and you. I know he wouldn’t hurt Jace or Max, but you two… You know what he thinks of you two.” 

_Yes we do_ , says the look the two siblings exchange. Robert would never pass an opportunity to hurls insults at them, to hurt them. When Isabelle had come out as bisexual, Alec had been right there for her. His parents had at first refused to let him in, which had hurt more than he thought, but eventually Maryse had relented under her daughter’s pleas. After the words had been said, there had been a heavy silence, so different from the loud explosion of rejection and insults Alec had had, that they had thought it might be alright. They might escape this unscathed, and Izzy might be able to come back home and see their little brother. And then the slap had come. Robert had risen from his seat and struck her on the cheek harshly, sending his daughter tumbling backwards into Alec’s arms. And Maryse hadn’t moved. Their father had started yelling then, and he had moved to hit Izzy again. Alec had been there though, standing tall and proud, the start of a beard on his square jaw and muscles well developed from years of sports and the boost of his hormonal treatment. When his father had come rushing, slow and furious, he hadn’t hesitated. His fist had collided with his father’s throat and had cut the man’s breathing for a few seconds. Alec had used this time to move away, to bring Izzy back in his arms and lead her upstairs to her bedroom. They had packed efficiently, in less time than anything they had ever done before. The metro ride back to Alec’s studio had been quiet, but Izzy’s shoulders were shaking and as soon as they got home, she had cried. 

Maryse had apologized for it in the first meeting she had had with Alec, although she had explained herself with Isabelle before. Alec had long forgiven her for her silence and inaction. Their father, however, had disinherited both of them immediately, and had been relying bigoted, hateful messages through Max’s ears ever since the divorce, whenever he managed to see the youngest Lightwood for a vacation. 

“You still shouldn’t stay at the apartment while he is in town,” Izzy insists. “If he doesn’t get what he wants and he hurts you…” 

“He won’t,” Maryse says, voice firm, before adding on a softer tone, “He won’t. That would show that he is the unstable one. Right now, you three need to be careful. He knows where you all work, and he wouldn’t hesitate to show up there to hurt you if he gets frustrated.” 

Magnus’ frown deepens, and his hold on Alec’s hand tightens. 

“Do you really think he would do that?” Jace asks softly as he finishes throwing some meat in the pan, the butter underneath sizzling and dazzling the air with a rich aroma. 

Maryse sighs, “I want to say no, I want to be able to say that he wouldn’t hurt any of you, but we all know he is capable of it. He has hurt Izzy and Alexander before, and you only escaped it barely as well. Max has never had any hit, but he always comes home sullen and unhappy. I should have gotten sole custody of him, but I thought…” 

_You thought the divorce was enough of a wake up call_ , Alec thinks a bit bitterly, _that he would leave us all alone after that, if you allowed him to see his son again_. He hates the anger rising in his chest that’s directed at his mother for now. He doesn’t blame her, doesn’t even think she made a mistake. She was with Robert for over 30 years after all. No, his anger is for his father, for the man who raised him and pretended he loved him for years, until the truth had shown its ugly face. Right now though, his mother is the only one he can be angry at, and he hates himself for it. 

Quietly, he lets go of Magnus’ hand and stands back up. He doesn’t say anything as he leaves the kitchen, but the silence behind him is louder than any spoken words. He goes back to his bedroom and looks at himself in the mirror, sees the picture of his 18 years old self on the side. He tears it away from where it’s stuck. It crumples slightly under his hands, and it’s only then that he realizes he is shaking, that his hands are showing all the rage he feels within. 

He tears the picture, first in half, and then again and again and again, until only small pieces remain. He won’t let his father win over himself, not anymore. He will fight with every last strand of his willpower, with every last cell in his body, to protect his family. He isn’t a scared kid anymore, but a strong man with a support system that grew immensely in the last month. He’s proud, and he’s happy. No one is taking that from him, not even if they bring with them the ghosts of his past to torment him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Alec gets a phone call from his mother about his father being back in town and has a panic attack during which he thinks back to his 18th birthday party. Simon brings him home at Maryse's demands. Izzy comes back and when Alec wakes up, Izzy, Jace, Magnus and Maryse are waiting for him. They have a discussion about Robert and there are mentions of past abuse, as well as biphobia and transphobia. Alec then returns to his room and tears in pieces the picture of his 18 years old self.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Discussions, explanations, cuddles, and some less pleasant things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! 
> 
> This chapter is much more heavy in terms of discussion of past abuse, alcoholism, and transphobia. There is some violence as well, some mention of it, and honestly, a shit ton of transphobia. If someone doesn't feel comfortable reading this, skip to the end notes and there'll be a summary. There is also a mention or two of Alec being suicidal in his teens. 
> 
> This was a bit of an emotional and difficult chapter for me to write, but I'm glad I managed to finish it. Again, a very personal take on this, as well as on the characters.
> 
> Enjoy the chapter! And if you want to chat, you can find me on tumblr at @ saltytransmalec where I rant about transphobia, transness, and will probably write a bunch about trans Alec. And I might also share about my new upcoming project, which also includes trans Alec, and is set in the Shadowhunter universe! If you have any questions about this fic, feel free! I will also take prompts :) 
> 
> Leave a comment or kudos if you like the fic! They make my day :)

A knock resonates on the door barely twenty minutes after, and it’s neither Jace’s brutish knock or Izzy’s bright and happy knock. It must be his mother then, since he doubts Magnus stuck around after the mess that was earlier. 

The pleased surprise when Alec opens the door to find the other man standing there, tray in hand, is so loud it drowns any other feeling inside him. Automatically, he steps aside to let him enter the bedroom, which he does carefully, looking around. 

“I must say, I hadn’t quite imagined this for the first time I was invited in your bedroom,” Magnus smiles as he tries to lighten up the atmosphere. 

It works. Alec chuckles a bit, “Me neither, believe me.”

Magnus puts the tray on the bed and turns with a grin. “Oh? Do tell me what you imagined then!”

“Only if you tell me first.”

The designer laughs a bit and comes closer to Alec. He takes his hand and when met with no resistance, draws the taller man against him, hugging him softly. Alec melts in the embrace, breathing in the sandalwood of Magnus’ shampoo and enjoying the physical closeness. It’s not their first, not from far, but this time Alec allows himself to seek the comfort he so desperately wants in Magnus’ arms. The man doesn’t move, doesn’t protest, simply hugs him tightly without a word. Words can wait, this can’t. 

“Thank you,” Alec whispers after a minute or two of this, and he draws back slightly to kiss the other man gently. They haven’t even gone on a date yet, their first real one, at a restaurant Magnus had picked, was supposed to be tomorrow. But now… It’s a compromised opportunity.

“Your mother is in the living room with your siblings,” Magnus says in a soft voice, caressing Alec’s cheek soothingly, “but I thought you would be hungry after the day’s emotions. And you could do without seeing someone from your family for a few minutes.”

He nods. Despite how much he loves his family, being with Magnus is better for now. He won’t see in Izzy’s eyes the same dark shade as Robert’s, in his mother’s carefulness the leftovers of their broken relationship, or the quietness and bitterness Jace has when they speak of his adoptive father. Magnus is a blank slate for now, a part of Alec’s life that was left untainted by the man’s dark presence.

They share a gentle kiss, reassuring and quiet, before Alec sits on the bed, taking Magnus with him, and they simply exist like this for another moment. They talk of Magnus, of his fashion line, of the calls he has been getting like crazy, of his possible next project. They talk of the books Alec is looking at, of the latest movie they want to see, of the cat that lives around Magnus’ building and he has slowly been trying to lure inside. They don’t talk of Robert. 

Later, Alec eats a bit and Magnus stays at his side. 

“So… Can I ask what happened with that Robert?”

Alec has never talked about him with anyone beside his family and his therapist. He isn’t sure he wants to. But because this is Magnus, who he wants to keep in his life, who he already knows matter much more than any of his previous boyfriends at this stage of their relationship, he nods. 

“Am I right to assume he is your father? You said he wanted to take Max away?” 

Another nod. 

“What happened with him? None of you call him your father, and Isabelle was worried about your mother’s safety, while she was worried about yours…” 

Alec sighs but relents, Magnus’ gentle coaxing giving him the control he needs for this conversation. The other man won’t push more than is helpful, won’t force the words out of Alec’s mouth. He is just there to listen. 

“I knew I was trans when I was sixteen. I didn’t tell anyone about it for a while, because I thought they would all reject me. But one day Izzy borrowed my computer after I had been reading articles about it, and she asked me about it. So I told her. She was 14 at the time, but she just said ‘okay’ and then asked me what she should call me. Even if it was a bit difficult at first, it gave me the strength I needed to tell Jace, and then my parents. I told them on my seventeenth birthday. I was the perfect kid, before that. Taking care of my siblings, never stepping out of line… I did everything to make them happy.” 

He takes a break, breathing in heavily. His voice is starting to tremble slightly. The hardest part is to come. Magnus’ hand takes his and his thumb traces a reassuring pattern on the back of Alec’s hand. 

“My father lost it when I told him. Insulted me, threw stuff at me. He was already drunk, even if we didn’t know at the time. I know his alcoholism doesn’t excuse what he did, but it makes it easier to think of a before and after time. Before the drinks, after. Anyway, I stayed in the house for another year, and it was hell. I couldn’t talk about it with anyone, I couldn’t use my computer without them knowing what I was looking at, I couldn’t use the phone without one of them in the room. The worse were the arguments. Every day, we would argue. At first, Robert was only verbally abusive. He would call me… Well, you know. The usual insults.” 

Magnus makes a noise of agreement and his hand tightens on Alec’s. It’s a soothing pressure. 

“But then it became different when I wouldn’t back down from it. He started hurting me. Holding my arms too tight to stop me from leaving while he was talking, pushing me around roughly when we were arguing… It went to a point when I had bruises constantly. I hated my body so much already, and it was just another reason to hate it. I started having panic attacks, and dissociative episodes whenever someone yelled or spoke too loudly. They refused to send me to a therapist. Well, Robert did. He insisted I was just being a teenager and trying to hurt him, and his career. The world resolved around him.” 

“And Maryse?” Magnus asks this in a soft voice, almost as if he is afraid of the answer. 

“She just… didn’t say anything. The whole year, she barely spoke to me. We had our share of arguments as well, but it never went further than that. She was on my father’s side though, always. That hurt too, because I had been close to her before that. If Izzy hadn’t been there to help me, if Jace hadn’t been there to protect me from Robert on the really bad days…” 

He doesn’t want to voice it, but it’s important he says it. It’s important he recognizes what happened back then, how that part of his life had influenced him more than anything before. 

“If they hadn’t been there, I would have killed myself before my eighteenth birthday. As it is, I barely made it, but they were there, and there was our little brother, Max, who was only four at the time. He was the first to call me Alec, you know? He couldn’t pronounce the ‘x’ for a while, and it stuck since then.” 

Magnus smiles gently and he kisses Alec’s hand softly. He doesn’t say anything, but his presence is more than enough. 

“I left on my eighteenth birthday. Robert had organized a big party with all his friends and their own children, and they started making all those awful comments… Using insults like they were just words, mocking me and transgender people… I kinda lost it at that point. I don’t remember much of it, to be honest. I know I yelled, yelled until my throat was sore, and then I remember going on that ridiculous stage he had wanted to have, and just… telling everyone. Saying my name was Alexander, and not that other one, that I was a boy and that they could all go fuck themselves. And Robert, he was furious. Told me to leave. So I packed a bag, cut my hair with the kitchen’s scissors, and I walked out the door. I didn’t even get to say goodbye to Izzy and Jace or Max.

“I stayed in a shelter for a couple of days. It was awful. But then Izzy managed to find me, and got me the address of our uncle Maxwell. My mother had given it to her apparently, even though she hadn’t spoken to her brother in years. So I went there, introduced myself, and got better slowly. I only went back to the house three times: when Maxwell came with me to get my other things, when Izzy came out, and when Jace moved out. I got a small job, then I got a loan, and then university. And here I am.” 

“And here you are…” Magnus repeats in a soft voice before kissing him, full of tenderness and holding his face with both hands. “Thank you for telling me.” 

“Thank you for listening,” Alec answers and kisses him again. 

Kissing Magnus is addictive, despite the heavy topic they just broached. It fills Alec with a deep sense of contentment, and when Magnus climbs in his lap to kiss him more deeply, he doesn’t protest. They stay like this, locked together in their own world, until there is a knock on the door, a very Jace knock. 

“You guys alright in there?” 

Alec groans and Magnus chuckles softly, pressing a kiss to his temple before moving off his lap. They straighten their clothes quickly and Alec takes Magnus’ hand, opening the door as his brother gets ready to knock again. 

“Yes, we are alright, do not make any comment, the meal was delightful, please don’t pester us.” He says it all in one breath, knowing the questions and comments that are sure to pour out of Jace’s mouth in one quick rush. 

The blond grins, and when he opens his mouth Alec is ready, slamming his hand on it. “I said, don’t do it.” 

He groans, disgusted when his brother licks his hand, and quickly wipes it on Jace’s sweatshirt, which earns him a half meant noise of protest. Next to them, Magnus looks amused by the siblings’ bickering. 

“Fine,” Jace relents and steps aside, “but you are not escaping it forever. Max and Mom are staying over tonight, and Izzy is thinking about inviting her girlfriends, and maybe Simon.” 

“What about Siblings Night?” 

Jace shrugs. “We’ll still be together. And right now, it’s good if we are with friends and family. Don’t act like you weren’t thinking of inviting your boyfriend anyway.” 

“He isn’t—“ Alec half-heartedly protests, because they haven’t had that discussion yet, that’s too serious too soon, maybe Magnus doesn’t want this — when Magnus cuts in. 

“Said boyfriend would be delighted to stay, Jasper.” 

“It’s Jace,” Alec’s brother groans.

“Then you should consider talking directly to me instead of around me, Jazzabelle.” Magnus says this on a sing sone tone, but his voice maintains some firmness. Either they talk to him, or they don’t, but they don’t exclude him from the conversation.

Jace looks a bit taken aback, and Magnus profits of the occasion to excuse himself, letting go of Alec’s hand, who is still stunned by the use of the word ‘boyfriend’ to protest, and goes to the living room. The two brothers stay together, looking at each other a bit warily. 

“Do I really look like I would be called Jazzabelle?” The blond whines and Alec laughs loudly.

\---

Siblings Night turns to Friends and Family Night that Friday, and Alec can’t find it in himself to complain. Jace was right, it feels good to be surrounded by his friends and by his family, to know that despite his father’s return, he isn’t alone anymore. He has his mother, his siblings, and some really great friends. 

Over the weekend, he catches up on the work he missed, sends an email to Jia to excuse himself for the impromptu absence, and contacts everyone he needs to. Max hangs around, playing video games with Jace whenever he is present, talking books with Alec, and even goes to the gym with Izzy. Maryse stays as well, and it’s nice to wake up and hear his mother chatter with Izzy, whose half-awake state only gets toned down by the quick apparition of a strong cup of coffee. He doesn’t go on his date with Magnus. Instead, Magnus comes by again on Sunday, and so do Clary and Maia. They all chat happily, and Alec feels settled again. 

It all blows up on Wednesday. Magnus has convinced him to take off early and help him go on a date, which is half-work for Magnus, since they are at one of his designer’s friend exhibition. To Alec’s unexperienced eyes, the outfits are impressive, but not as much as _Heavenly Bodies_ was. He might be biased, considering that he is currently wearing the Angel’s pants with a simple black silk shirt Izzy found for him. It feels good to be like this, out with his boyfriend. The kisses Magnus drops on his hand, on his cheek, on the corner of his lips, and, on one amazing occasion, on his neck feel even better.

They are at the afterparty, Magnus chatting with his friend, when Alec hears a voice that, despite not having heard it in five years, he would recognize everywhere. It’s deep, rumbling, and it resonates loudly in his nightmares, thundering around a younger version of him. He tenses up immediately, but Magnus is distracted by something for a few seconds. Next to him, his boyfriend is rigid. 

The designer turns as well when Robert’s voice resonates even closer. “Ah, Lightwoods! So lovely to see you, Anne-Marie! And you too Robert.” 

Magnus reacts then, and he grips Alec’s hand as Robert and his new wife, formerly Anne-Marie Highsmith, his assistant, arrive close. But it’s too late, they can’t escape anymore. Alec, hands shaking, turns calmly and hopes, prays to any and every deity, that his father won’t recognize him. It’s been five years, and he has changed a lot since then. It wouldn’t be that impossible. It’s a febrile and somewhat idiotic hope, but Alec tries to hold onto it until his glance meet Robert’s. Recognition strikes in the eyes of the shorter man. 

“Eleanor, I see you are still completely deluded in your lunacy.” He says this with a judgmental glare, an angry flare pushing up his chest. He could have pretended they didn’t know each other, but no. Robert Lightwood’s mean streak and angry temperament couldn’t allow that. 

The dead name feels wrong and Alec chokes on air slightly. No one has called him that in years, and hearing it again, here in a room full of strangers, makes him want to scream and cry. He wants to punch the man, wants to hit him and give back the abuse he suffered. 

“It’s Alexander, actually,” he answers in a cold voice, and looks to Anne-Marie. “Madam Highsmith.” 

It’s blatant disrespect, towards both her, who stood by Robert’s side and who had shared many an insult, and her husband. Alec takes pleasure in that pettiness. Two can play at this game, and he isn’t losing anymore to his father. Now, he has more to fight for than just himself. 

“Eleanor,” his father grits his teeth, an angry vein pulsing on his forehead, “You’ll call her Madam Lightwood. She is my wife.” 

“Sure. If you call me Alexander.” 

It’s a duel of titan that plays in their eyes. The tension around them crackles the air and burns everything. Were they in a movie, everyone would stop to watch them. As it is, Magnus, Anne-Marie and the other designer are frozen to their spot, and multiple guests have gravitated towards the minor argument. They are all sharks, Alec thinks, hungry for blood and juicy gossip. _I’ll give them something to talk about_ , he thinks and squares his jaw, _something they won’t forget until the next Fashion Week_. 

Robert walks forward, uncaring of the crowd. Years ago, when Alec was still young and supposedly in his care, he would have stopped here, waited until they were in private to relieve his anger. But now that they are both adults, that his son, the one he hates more than anything in the world for daring to be himself, stands up for himself, he can’t contain himself. 

“You irrespectful bastard,” he says as his right hand moves to strike Alec, who can’t move, frozen in place, “I should have sent you to one of those camps where they would have made you see reason! You are no child of mine!” 

The hit Alec’s waiting for doesn’t come. Instead, he looks back at his father’s hand to see the wrist encircled by a ringed one that tightens its hold on the pale man’s hand. 

“I suggest you don’t do this,” Magnus says calmly, but Alec hears the quiet fury underneath his tone. “You’re not welcome here anymore, and you are causing a scene. You wouldn’t want this to go back to the judge’s ears, would you? Your hearing for the custody of your son is only in two weeks, after all. It would make quite the impression if you hit your eldest son in front of witnesses.”

“He’s not my son,” spats out Robert, but pain flashes on his face for a second as Magnus’ hands tightens around his wrist.

“We agree on one thing at least, Mister Lightwood. Alexander is not your son. He doesn’t owe you anything. Alexander is the kindest man I’ve ever met, and he is beautiful. You, in the contrary, are a vile man, whose ugliness shows on his mean face. Alexander is nothing like you, and that’s a blessing.” Robert is about to interrupt again but Magnus cuts him off. “If you have something else to say about my boyfriend, I suggest you keep it to yourself, or I will be the one hitting you first, mister Lightwood.”

Magnus’ voice remained even, controlled and angry, while he spoke. When Alec looks, his eyes carry such hatred, he had thought impossible before this. He is incredibly glad he isn’t on the receiving end of it. He hopes he never will be.

Robert is not deterred. He starts insulting them both. It isn’t anything too surprising. Alec turns away to leave with Magnus, not wanting to deal with strangers gawking at him like he is some kind of circus animal. Before he can fully move away however, a hand settles on his shoulder, and he reacts by instinct. Hitting his aggressor across the face feels good and amusing. It’s an immensely satisfying feeling that fulfills the dream of his 17 years old self. To be quite honest, it’s also the dream of his current self. He watches with contentment his father step back and hold his nose, some blood pouring from the interstices of his fingers. 

“Don’t fucking touch me,” Alec growls, hand stinging a bit from the hit. “You are nothing to me. You don’t matter. You’re just an annoying stain, a fucking asshole who never stops thinking about himself. It’s always all been about you. Well fuck you. My name is Alexander. Alexander Gideon Lightwood. Yes, I still have your name, and you know why? I know how much it pisses you off that a proud trans man runs around New York City and tells to everyone that you and him are related. So yeah, fuck you, Robert.” 

With that, Alexander tips his head to Magnus’ friends and leaves, holding Magnus’ hand tightly in his. He barely has any idea of where they are when they step out in the street.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Alec and Magnus discuss Robert Lightwood and the circumstances of Alec's coming out, and of his being kicked out of his home. There are also brief mentions of suicidal thoughts Alec had when he was 18. They then go back to the family. A few days later, they go on a date and find themselves confronted to Robert, who immediately start deadnaming Alec and being transphobic. Magnus defends Alec, but when his father grabs him by the shoulder, Alec hits the man in the face before leaving with Magnus. 
> 
> Come chat with me on Tumblr @ saltytransmalec!


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Going back to Magnus and calming down, trying to get the date back on track!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!
> 
> I'm back with a new chapter, and this is the second to last chapter! After this, there is only one more! 
> 
> There is some light sexual content, so I'm tagging it as Mature, but it's so very light it's mostly fluff. 
> 
> Enjoy! Don't hesitate to leave a comment or kudos!

Alec walks with a purpose he doesn’t have through the streets, hand firmly locked in Magnus. He can’t say anything right now, trembling with rage like he is. There is also some humiliation underneath, linked to the knowledge that twenty strangers now know his dead name, that his father outed him like this. Alec isn’t ashamed of being trans, but he has learned that it’s safer to not been perceived as such. Safer, and nicer. People talk, gossip, never stopping to consider the feelings of those they discuss. Alec hates it, hates them, hates the entire world right now, except for the man beside him. 

Magnus stirs him in the right direction sometimes, not saying anything either. Even in the silence, he is reassuring, giving Alec the space he needs but also the closeness he craves. It’s a strange mix, but Alec has always been like this when he was upset, needing a specific kind of attention. Alec realizes a bit belatedly that it’s not only stranger who knows his birth name, but also Magnus. Alec trusts him to not use it, to forget it as soon as the evening passes, but there is still fear inside him. A quiet, uneasy fear that threads through his body and enhances his hyper awareness of the tension in his muscles. What if Magnus decides that now he isn’t worth it anymore? What if Magnus thinks that Alec is just a fraud, a stupid girl who desperately wants to be a boy?

Alec shakes his head. No. Magnus isn’t like this. Magnus is kind, and gentle, and when Alec had told him, he had comforted and then decided to plan a whole project that had helped Alec get over some of his fears. The man Alec is slowly falling in love with is not cruel or bigoted or mean. 

He is stirred out of his emotional turmoil when Magnus lets go of his hand. He almost takes it back but it turns out Magnus simply needs it to type the code to his apartment building and open the door. As soon as they are inside, their hands are locked together again. 

Magnus’ apartment is beautiful. Alec hadn’t noticed before because of the paper covered windows and walls, but it’s spacious and well lit, and the homey yet stylish atmosphere definitely fits Magnus. 

“Come on darling,” Magnus is taking off his jacket and helps him out of his own, “get comfortable. I’ll get some ice for your hand.” 

It’s only then that Alec realizes his right hand is throbbing with some pain. He takes off his shoes quickly and looks at it, frowning at the redness of his knuckles and the sensitive skin. Magnus has him sit on the couch and gets the promised ice, wrapping it in a towel to avoid hurting the already sore skin. It’s a quiet moment. Magnus moves with a carefully calculated grace, but Alec can see the anger in the tension of his shoulders. It’s a bit gratifying to know that he is angry on Alec’s behalf. 

“I can’t believe that man, that awful, awful man did that,” Magnus mutters angrily. “All those awful things he said!” 

“Magnus,” Alec tries to interrupt, but Magnus is getting worked up, fury rising as he takes care of his boyfriend’s hand. 

“How dare he talk to you like that? And telling you to respect that woman’s name when he doesn’t even respect yours! Oh I knew he was a—“ 

“Magnus.” This time Alec puts his other hand on Magnus’ mouth, feeling the man’s lips moving for a second or so before stopping. “I’m alright. I’m fine now that I’m with you. He can’t hurt me here. He can’t hurt us.” 

He removes his hand from Magnus’ lips and kisses him gently. The kiss lasts, lingers, drags on until both of them are slightly out of breath. They stay forehead to forehead for a few minutes, eyes closed, breathing deeply. It feels peaceful, and it calms Alec’s heart more than anything else could have. 

“I’m so proud of you,” Magnus murmurs softly when he opens his eyes again. “What you did, standing up for yourself, it was amazing Alexander. You were amazing.” 

“Even when I physically assaulted a man in the middle of your friend’s party?” Alec is smiling softly, joking a bit, but there is a hint of worry underneath. Magnus could be upset that Alec caused a scene, and it would be perfectly understandable.

“That’s the part I’m the proudest of. You were ready to walk out, to avoid making a scene because you are a good man, Alexander. You only hit him because he touched you. And touch by him is associated with hurt, you reacted with instinct, and you stood up for yourself. You are strong, and you are a beautiful man.” 

Magnus’ words soothe him, but his last compliment twists something in his guts. He thinks back to the picture of himself he kept, and it’s the only thing he can see. He tries to picture himself as he is now, but he can’t. He hears, over and over again, his father calling him slurs and saying that he’ll always be a girl. 

“Alexander, listen to me.” Magnus is still crouched between his legs, and he takes his hands. “You are a beautiful man. I know that awful man got in your head, that his words hurt more than you thought they could. But remember what you told me, why you decided to model for me? You wanted to prove to yourself, to prove to the world, that a trans man is as beautiful as a cis man. You wanted to prove to yourself that, no matter what you’re wearing, you can still be masculine. Right now, you’re wearing things I know for certain you wouldn’t have worn three months ago. Do you feel any less of a man for wearing them?” 

Alec shakes his head vehemently. The black silk over his arm traces his muscles delicately and highlights this body that he worked on so hard. He loves the pants as well, partly because Magnus designed them with him in mind, but mostly because they fit him, and, as Izzy would say, show off his legs while keeping him covered. 

“Good. Then let me tell you something. What your father said was wrong. Fully wrong, completely wrong. It was hurtful, and mean, and disgusting. And that man, he doesn’t deserve you. He doesn’t deserve to be around you, or any of your siblings.” Magnus slowly climbs in Alec’s lap and places his hands on each side of his boyfriend’s head. “His words mean nothing, because you know he is a hateful man. He hurt you, and that’s what he tried to do today. But you hit him back, you defended yourself and proved to yourself that you are stronger than him, both emotionally and physically. And I am proud, so proud, of being with a man like you. A man who is as beautiful as he is kind, strong and gentle, protective of his family and friends, and whose heart has been battered repeatedly, but who didn’t let that stop him from loving others. You are amazing, Alexander, so amazing.” 

Alec forces himself to look into Magnus’ eyes and the deep affection he sees there makes his heart tightens. Magnus means every single word he just said, there is no doubt about it. And he really wants to believe it, really wants to think that yes, he is amazing and beautiful and strong. He feels so weak though, so stupid for reacting the way he did. After all, it wasn’t like his father had said anything new. It’s not like— 

His train of thoughts is interrupted by Magnus kissing him, at first softly, and when he starts responding, more deeply. 

“Let me show you,” Magnus pleads softly. “Let me show you that you are amazing, and loving, and beautiful. That you are the man I chose, the man I want to be with.” 

Alec nods slowly, and they share another kiss, more desperate, with more teeth and more closeness than before. Magnus’ fingers slowly drops from his face to his neck and their slow trail down is torturous and delicate, sending shivers down Alec’s spine. He has been worried about this, taking their relationship further, but Magnus seems confident and unafraid, and it bolsters his own confidence. Ever so slowly, he slips his hands underneath Magnus’ shirt, caressing the hidden golden skin while kissing the neck that’s being offered to him so sweetly. Magnus is so reactive, so sensitive under Alec’s hands. The man lets this goes on for a few minutes, until the situation on the couch becomes quite uncomfortable for him and he stands up. 

“Come on,” he lifts Alec to his feet, giving his boyfriend the occasion to look at his muscles again. It’s truly delightful. 

He leads him to the bedroom, which Alec is unsurprised to discover is as lavish and beautiful as the rest of the apartment. The sheets on the bed are a beautiful golden shade that light up the darker walls, and there is a plush carpet on one side of the bed. Alec grins a bit at that. 

“My feet are cold in the morning,” Magnus defends himself with a pout when Alec comments on the single carpet, “and until now there hasn’t been anyone I was willing to buy a carpet for.” 

“Until now?” 

Magnus grins as well and pushes Alec on the bed, climbing once again on his lap. “Yeah, I’m seeing this guy right now, and I really want him to stay around. So if that takes buying another carpet…” 

“I’m sure he’ll be very much willing to stay even without the carpet.” 

They exchange somewhat goofy smiles and giggle softly before kissing again, Alec making quick work on the buttons of Magnus’ shirt. He is attacking the pants when a hand swats him away and he looks up to a stern yet amused Magnus. 

“Don’t be impatient Alexander, you have to undress as well. Though it’s a shame, I do love you in this shirt.”

“Next time,” Alec says and bites Magnus’ neck a bit. “You can dress me up in whatever you want and make me keep it on next time.” 

An interested light illuminates Magnus’ eyes. He clearly files away the information for a later moment before focusing again on the buttons of Alec’s shirt. It doesn’t take him long, and when he pushes it off his boyfriend’s muscular shoulders, he trails kisses all over his torso. It’s not just loving, it’s worshipping. Alec’s body is Magnus’ temple, and he intends to thoroughly show his devotion. The fading scars from the surgery, he caresses with an irrevocable tenderness. Alec’s skin is on fire from all the ministrations, and he wants more, so much more. 

He wants Magnus, all of him, with a burning desire that encompasses his whole being and erases any thoughts. He can only feel. Feel wanted, desired, appreciated. There is nothing else but sensations now. Nails that scratch his sides carefully and make him shiver, teeth that graze his skin when Magnus’ lips opens enough, and the throbbing desire that overcomes him. 

Teasingly, Magnus only unzips his pants before pushing his hand underneath it and caressing Alec through his underwear, which earns him a stifled moan. Alec hasn’t been touched this way in so long, he is more sensitive than he can ever remember. Or maybe it’s just Magnus’ effect on him. Either way, all the touches, small or lingering, only brighten up that spot that begs for more in him. 

Magnus makes quick work of his pants after that first moan, and leaves Alec in his underwear as he slowly undresses as well. He is clearly putting on a show, because his movements are calculated and graceful and more than once, he grinds against Alec, highlighting his own desire. Alec very much enjoys the show. Magnus is more than beautiful, he’s ethereal. He’s perfection made man. Even with his flaws, which marks him as human and not fully angelic despite Alec’s belief, Magnus shines brighter than the sun. There is no luckier man than Alec on earth. He is the one Magnus Bane wants in his bed, and isn’t that a revelation. 

When they are both reduced to their underwear, Magnus starts again with his teasing, but he keeps a careful eye on Alec, making sure that he is comfortable and happy where this is going. The air between them is charged, and the scent of Magnus’ favorite perfume, something with a woodsy scent that makes Alec’s heart race happily nowadays, drafts over them. The sheets are silky and delicate beneath Alec and he can’t help and wonder if Magnus had planned for their night to end like this, although without the interaction with Robert. 

A sharp sting of pleasure rushes through him when Magnus’ hands hazard underneath his boxer. He pushes it off his hips slowly, trailing it down his legs while placing tender kisses on the way. When he comes back up, he teases Alec, using hands and tongue, until Alec doesn’t remember anything but the overwhelming pleasure, the sensation of being loved, of his body being thoroughly appreciated like never before. 

\---

Alec wakes up the next morning as a hand caresses his hair, and he smiles softly as he smells Magnus’ perfume on the pillows. 

“Good morning.” He opens his eyes and catches Magnus’ hand in his own, kissing it tenderly. 

“A good morning indeed. With you in my bed, I can’t imagine a better beginning for my day.” 

Alec chuckles and presses another kiss to the hand he is still holding. “Smooth talker. What time is it?” 

“Don’t worry, you’ll have time to get to work, and you’ll even have time to swing by your apartment to change.” 

A grin passes over the younger man’s face and he gets over his boyfriend, straddling him and kissing his neck. 

“Who said I wanted to?” 

When they do get out of bed, there is no more time for Alec to go back to his apartment. He doesn’t mind though, borrowing from Magnus’ impressive wardrobe the least fancy shirt he can find, which is still a white silk shirt with gold threaded through the sleeves. He kisses his boyfriend, who is still enjoying some breakfast and a large cup of coffee, before leaving in a hurry. The smile on his face doesn’t leave him, even as he arrives on his floor at _Nephilim_. 

Simon gives him a strange look when he arrives, but it’s nothing unexpected from the other man, so Alec elects to ignore it. He throws a cheery greeting to his assistant, who startles slightly, and then goes back to his office. He doesn’t have his usual documents, but Izzy said she would swing by with his suitcase before going to her own work, so he starts with what he has at hands. 

He is getting lost in the finer details of Tessa Gray’s latest rewrite when a knock resonates on his door. He doesn’t have the time to give permission for the other person to enter, Izzy is already coming in with Simon trailing behind her. Both have large grins that Alec doesn’t trust. He especially becomes suspicious when Simon places three cups on the desk and Izzy closes the door behind herself carefully. He thinks she locks it, but the smell of coffee is drafting over him and he takes a sip of the beverage with a happy sigh. 

“Good morning Alec,” Izzy says in a sing song manner, and Alec tenses up a bit. He knows his sister. “I trust that you had a very good night of sleep?” 

He groans as Simon and her settle on their chairs. “Yes, thank you. Don’t you have somewhere to be?” 

“Oh no, don’t you worry. Magnus sent a text to everyone to say we have the morning free. Any idea why?” The grin on Izzy’s face is just becoming larger and more smug. “I’m guessing it has something to do with you not coming home last night and wearing his clothes today.” 

“And with the largest smile I’ve ever seen you have,” Simon pipes in, undeterred by Alec’s annoyed glare. “This doesn’t work on me anymore boss, I’ve seen what a happy, in love Alec Lightwood looks like and it’s really adorable.” 

Alec drinks his coffee under their gleeful stares. They are like excited children who discovered a new type of candy. He supposes that he hasn’t had much of a love life in recent years, and that he maybe has been quite grumpy. Meeting Magnus and being his friend, and now boyfriend, has improved this quite a lot. Especially after last night. And this morning. 

Izzy clears her throat, bringing him back to reality, and he refuses to let himself be flustered by the knowing look his sister sends him. 

“So?” She prompts, drinking her own cup of coffee. “Was he really that good?” 

Alec wants to feel scandalized, he really does, but he knows his sister very well. That question was long coming once she had become aware of what is going on between the two men. She has, after all, no trouble sharing intimate details about her relationships if the opportunity arises. He’s thankful she hasn’t said anything about Clary or Maia yet. He would quite like to remain on friendly terms with both of them. Unfortunately, he’s heard enough about Simon’s talents that it made for quite an awkward work environment for a little while. It also means he isn’t too uncomfortable being questioned about this in front of his former assistant. 

“I’m not telling you anything Iz,” he crosses his arms, trying to have a stern appearance, but she grins even more when she sees his shirt. 

“Got you something that matches your pants, uh? Although the sleeves are a bit too short for you.” 

Alec sighs, a bit defeated. Izzy and Simon exchange a glance and both lowers their elbows, resting it on the desk. 

“It’s not what you think—“ 

“Bullshit,” Simon interrupts. “We can see that hickey on your neck.” 

Alec puts a hand over where Magnus had enthusiastically put his mouth that morning. Now, he must be blushing, if slightly. 

“Alright well yes, some of that did happen. But,” he interrupts their mirth with an eye roll. “It was after we ran into Robert at the after show.” 

Both of them gasps. Alec had told Simon on Monday, inviting the man for a drink at a local bar after work, although in much less details than with Magnus. 

“Robert was his usual charming self, his new wife barely said anything, and when he started yelling insults, we left. Not before I broke his nose though.” A touch of smugness enters his voice at the end of his narrative. 

When they ask for more details, he give it to them willingly, but draws the line when they start asking more private details about Magnus. There are things Alec wants to keep to himself, and that definitely includes Magnus’ magical fingers. And tongue. And… 

He’s once again snapped from his thoughts by Izzy, who grins. “Oh you are so smitten it’s almost creepy.” 

He rolls his eyes. “Says the woman who spent last Sunday afternoon gushing about her girlfriends to our mother.” 

She shrugs, clearly unashamed of how much she appreciates Maia and Clary. “They are amazing. And very gifted in—“ 

Simon stops her with a scandalized look. “Clary is my best friend, we’ve known each other since we were like four, I don’t need to know if she’s good in bed or not.” He pulls a face. “Yeah, no. Please don’t say anything like that around my poor innocent ears.” 

Alec chuckles and Izzy does as well, but she nods and relents. “Alright, I’ll keep the details about my girlfriend’s clever fingers to myself.” 

Simon makes a wounded noise. He looks to be regretting setting foot in the office with Izzy and Alec would almost have some sympathy for him. Almost. Simon had been trying to get details about Alec’s intimate life only moments ago, after all. He deserves the momentary discomfort. 

After a few more minutes of talking and joking around, they both leave. The silence that follows their departure is a bit too tight for Alec, who leaves his door open. He listens to the sounds of his office, to the light chatter Simon entertains with another editor. It’s looking to be a good day. 

His phone vibrates on his desk, and he looks at it, finding a photo from Magnus. In it, he’s wearing Alec’s shirt from the previous night and carrying a tiny ball of orange fluff. The text accompanying it reads “Finally caught him! His name is Chairman Meow.” 

He laughs, loud and bright, and saves the picture on his phone. He simply sends back a heart emoji before focusing back on his work. Or at least trying to.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New opportunities, and a little jump ahead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! 
> 
> So, this is the end of This Wondrous Land! The last chapter, the thing I never thought I would have. This is a bit of an emotional moment for me, because it's the first time I've fully finished a story that isn't just a oneshot. I'm glad to have shared this experience with all of you. 
> 
> Thank you for the kudos and the comments, I loved each and every single one of them. It was always a delight to find out that one of you had decided to comment, to let me know that you had enjoyed the chapter. 
> 
> However, I have one more little surprise for you... In the upcoming days, a very smutty little one shot that takes place in this universe will be published. And there may be more coming from our boys later on as well. 
> 
> I also want to thank @enkelimagnus, who has been amazingly supportive and has helped me a lot throughout this. This story would not exist without her. Check out her fics, they are all really amazing! 
> 
> And, like always, leave a kudos or comment! I truly want to know what you all thought :)

There is something to be said about the start of spring, something about how lovely the air warming is, how beautiful . It’s a busy period for Alec, preparing for the summer releases. He’ll never understand why authors want to have their books released between June and August in priority. Some of them are too dark for that period of the year, when most people want to read light-hearted romance or high spirited fantasy. Well, in his division at least. He spends long hours at the office, meets author after authors, and his social life is reduced to an almost non existent event. 

Magnus is also quite busy. After the success of _Heavenly Bodies_ , he has been asked for collaboration with some popular and upcoming artists, and, as Alec understands it, it’s quite a big deal. Whenever they call, Alec knows Magnus’ attention is divided between him and whichever project he’s currently working. It doesn’t bother him much. What bothers him is that they barely have any spare time to see each other. Between their own crazy schedules, Alec also spends most of his spare time with Max and their mother. 

Maryse is building the case, having decided to take the case on her own, but everyone is writing testimony to prove that she’s indeed capable. And despite hating having to do this, Alec, as the reason Robert cited for his claims, has to go back to his psychiatrist for an evaluation, to prove that he is indeed stable and no danger to Max’s safety. He hates it, hates feeling so exposed and vulnerable, knowing that it will end up in a report read by a judge, his mother, Robert and his lawyer, and probably others. For Max and his mother though, he is more than willing to do it. 

On the day of the appointment, he sits in the waiting room, his left leg bouncing uncontrollably while his right hand drums an unknown beat on his bag. He has been waiting for a little over ten minutes since he got here early, but still. He can’t help but think that the psychiatrist could be in advance for once, instead of being, as always, chronically late. 

The door swings open twenty minutes after Alec got there initially and a dark skinned woman, shorter than him but with an impressive presence and an easy smile that can turn to iron in less than a second, steps out. Doctor Tarina is a kind woman he has been seeing since he was 20, but uneasiness still fills him at the procedure waiting for him.

“Alec,” she says warmly, and he shakes the hand she extends. “It’s been quite some time, hasn’t it? I wasn’t expecting your call. I understand it’s a quite pressing situation?” 

He nods as he follows her in her office, the furniture familiar despite the time that has passed since his last appointment, and he sits on the chair she indicates. 

“Yes, I need a professional evaluation.” At her surprised eyebrow, he explains the situation quickly, and ends with a short shrug. “For my family, I’ll do anything.” 

“I do remember how close you are with your siblings. We’ll start immediately then, better to get it over with.” 

One hour later, he steps out of the office with his letter proving that he’s stable, and the anxiety pit in his stomach is almost completely gone. Adding to that, he finds himself quite close to _Pandemonium_. Texting Izzy, he makes sure that it’ll be alright if he swings by unannounced, and when she answers positively, his only stop is to buy food for everyone. 

He swings the door to the large building open with the barest knock. There is no one downstairs, despite the fact that it’s lunch hour. He can hear, coming from upstairs, a heated discussion, not something angry but rather stressed and concerned. He climbs the stairs slowly, careful to make enough noise to be heard by someone who’s not too busy, but not enough to disturb others. 

At the top, he finds an explosion of color and tissues, which he was expecting, but no Magnus in sight. He clears his throat when no one turns to look at him and Catarina looks at him then with an amused expression. It’s then that he notices their strange position. They are all standing around in a sort of circle, although Izzy is sitting and has an open computer on her lap, and Ragnor is rolling his eyes while examining two swaths of tissues. 

“Come pick up your man,” Catarina jokes and nods to the ground. “He’s having a bit of a dramatic overdose.” 

Alec frowns and walks closer. Magnus is laying on the ground on his back, eyes fixed on the ceiling. It’s the first time Alec has seen him in a week, and the man is even more beautiful than on all the pictures they exchange.

“Alexander,” Magnus turns his eyes to him, moving to rest on his elbows. “I can die a happy man now.” 

Alec rises an eyebrow without commenting. 

“The Seelie Queen asked me to design her tour outfits.” 

The name does ring a bell in Alec’s mind, but he can’t remember where or when he heard it and can’t figure out who that person is, beside clearly being a big deal to Magnus.

“The Seelie Queen, Alexander! The modern equivalent of Orpheus, a goddess of music and genius and talent. And the most difficult artist to work with, with impeccable taste and harsh judgement.” 

“Isn’t that great,” Alec ventures, a bit thrown off by Magnus’ strange dramatic act. “Isn’t that amazing for you and _Pandemonium_?” 

“It is! It’s amazing. I’m overwhelmed by how great it is.” 

“You’re being an old fool, that’s what’s happening,” Ragnor crumbles and walks away. 

Alec chuckles warmly and nods to everyone else, who scatter with either eye rolls (Izzy), amused looks (Clary and Dot), or an amused short laugh and a pat on his back (Catarina). He sits on the floor next to Magnus and takes his boyfriend’s hand. 

“Good morning,” he says simply with a gentle smile. “It’s great to see you.” 

“Oh darling,” Magnus sits back, facing him, and kisses him softly. “I’m happy to see you as well. Didn’t you have appointments this morning?” 

“I did, and since I’m all done with them, I thought I would pay my boyfriend a visit. Though when I got here, he was laying down on the floor.” 

“Well, maybe your boyfriend has a very good reason to be on the floor, like the most well known modern pop icon asking him to design her outfits.” 

Alec hums. “That does sound like a very good reason.” Another short kiss. “What’s got you so worried then?”

Magnus sighs and puts his head on Alec’s shoulder, looking away from him. “It’s a really big deal. I’ll have to hire more staff, and /Pandemonium/ is really going to explode on the world fashion stage. I might get a really good spot at the next Fashion Week… It’s a lot, you know? I just finished /Heavenly Bodies/. And I had a muse for that,” he adds with a smile and a glance to Alec, who chuckles warmly. “Plus, the Seelie Queen is known to be very difficult and changing her mind a lot.” 

Alec nods and kisses Magnus’ forehead, putting an arm around him. “It’s a lot, yes. But you have a great staff. And you can definitely hire more people. As far as changing opinions very quickly… Do you remember how much you tinkered with the lace hem of Meliorn’s first shirt? I think you changed it’s length like five times, and then you took it off, and then put it back on…” He teases with a soft smile and the designer chuckles a bit. “I think you’ll be well matched with her. For the muse, well… You have me still.” 

Magnus breathes a bit easier and nods. “Right. I have you.” 

They trade soft kisses, staying sitting on the floor without care for the rest of the world until Izzy’s heels clack loudly next to them. 

“Now that you two are clearly done, can we eat? Alec still has the food and we are all starving.” 

\---

The audience with the judge falls on the same day as Magnus’ first meeting with Seelie Queen. It’s both annoying and at the same time fortunate. Annoying, because Izzy can’t attend the audience, but also because it means that Magnus won’t be here. Magnus had wanted to be there, at least to wait outside, to support Alec and his family. However, it’s also fortunate, because it means that after this, Alec will be able to join Magnus for dinner, and they’ll both finally get a full evening together. With how little Alec is looking forward to the day, he can’t wait for the evening to come. They haven’t managed to see each other for more than a few fleeting hours for lunch in two weeks, and they’ve only been together for two months. Despite not wanting to say it, Alec misses being with Magnus the way they did while the project was happening. Having lunch with him at least once every week, swinging by after work to help in any way, the early mornings spent driving to get this or that material… It was paradise.

There is no purpose in fantasizing that way for now. When their lives will be less crazy, they might go back to that rhythm, but for now they both need time. Alec can wait anyway; he isn’t letting go of Magnus unless the other man asks him to, and for now they both seem in perfect accord on that matter. 

When they are allowed in the judge office, the Lightwoods, bar Robert and his new wife who are sitting on the bench across from them, stand as one. Maryse clutches her youngest son’s hand tightly and Max, for once, doesn’t complain. Luke is there as well, and Jace stays close. Alec is the last of their little clan to go in, and he gives to his father a defiant look, as well as a semi grin. Robert doesn’t scare him anymore. 

The judge listens carefully and reviews the evidence. As much as Alec wants to feel confident and secure, when it comes to his psych evaluation, he is worried that the judge will be of the same type as his father. The fact that his whole identity is a point of contention makes his blood boil, makes him angry beyond measure, but he forces himself to remain calm. He can’t fight all the bigoted people in the world at once, so for now he’ll focus on beating his father down through the law. The memory of the punch he gave him also leads him to grin slightly. 

When the judge announces that Maryse remains the legal guardian and that it’s at her own discretion that Robert is authorized to see his son, on basis of past child abuse, past alcoholism, and the deep desire of Max to remain in New York to stay with his friend, the man stands up and starts yelling. Anne-Marie and his lawyer, who looks green around the edges now, have to restrain him, at first verbally and somewhat physically until Robert sits back down. 

“I don’t want to go back to Los Angeles,” Max speaks up for the first time, not looking at his father, brown eyes looking at the judge, “not ever. I don’t like it there, and I don’t even get to go outside and see cool things. I only get to go with Robert and Anne-Marie outside. I like it much better here, with my family.” 

This settles the debate fully. Alec puts his hand on his brother’s shoulder, his movement mirrored by Jace. Robert leaves with yells, loud and angry, but it doesn’t shake them. He can’t hurt them anymore. They are stronger now, they are united. They are back to being a real family. 

They have a celebratory lunch afterwards, loud and happy in the small restaurant. Izzy joins them, hugging her brothers and mother. She whispers to Alec that Magnus will be waiting for him at the end of the day and winks. He simply grins and kisses her forehead. Everything is perfect. 

\---

Alec is a bit nervous to meet with Magnus that evening, for the first time in the two years they’ve been dating. He wasn’t nervous when Magnus casually offered to move in. He wasn’t nervous when Magnus asked him to model for him again. He wasn’t nervous when he had first told Magnus he loved him. But now… His leg is bouncing under the table, beating an unsteady rhythm that sets his nerves on fire but he can’t stop himself. The dining sets tremble lightly whenever he accidentally hits the table, which does nothing to calm him down either. 

Magnus is late. That in itself is not worrisome. He is busy with clients all day, all week really, which means that there was no real good time for their anniversary dinner. But Alec has to leave on a book tour by the end of the week, and they both really wanted to celebrate together. The editor and newly published author also has exterior motives, resting in the inner pocket of his suit. He had Izzy help him with the suit, because he wanted to dazzle Magnus the way his boyfriend always dazzles him. 

He is wearing a dark blue vest with a pair of angelic wings over the chest pocket. Clary had embroidered them there for him, smiling softly as she had given it back to him. 

“You are Magnus’ Angel after all.” She had said he had smiled broadly. 

The shirt he is wearing underneath is silk, something Alec has learned to really love over the last years, and the black shimmers softly with the gentle light of the candles on the table. 

Magnus arrives in a blur, kissing his boyfriend lightly before sitting down across from him with a bright smile. 

“Everything alright?” Alec asks with an answering smile. 

“Yes, I’m so sorry my love, that last client was being really picky and kept trying to make me tighten her dress even more, even though that would have been too small and...” 

Magnus talks about his day and when he is asked, Alec does as well, but mostly they bask in each other’s presence. It takes a few minutes before Magnus truly notices, but his eyes widen when he takes in Alec’s outfit. 

“Tell me darling, you’re dressed very sharply! The jacket suits you very well. And those little angel wings are adorable. Did Clary or Izzy have anything to do with it?” 

“Both, actually,” Alec chuckles. “And Maia helped with something else, but that’s a surprise. I don’t know where I would be without my sister and her girlfriends.” 

“Of course, it’s not like you have a very talented boyfriend who is also a very popular fashion designer, who could have helped you with it.” Magnus teases.

“Oh I definitely do, but I can’t ask for his help when I want to surprise him, that would ruin everything.” 

They grin at each other and exchange a sweet kiss over the table before ordering and eating, chatting lightly. Alec relaxes slightly but there is still some tension in his body that he knows Magnus notices. Magnus’ gaze lingers on his hands and eyes, sometimes frowning, sometimes simply confused. It’s endearing, how caring Magnus is. 

They order dessert, a sweet strawberry tart for Alec and a tiramisu for Magnus, when his nerves start reappearing and he fiddles with his napkin. 

“Magnus,” he starts quietly, and repeats himself louder when the other man doesn’t hear him. “I wanted to thank you. To tell you I love you, more and more everyday. We have had our fair share of issues, but I’m so glad we worked through them, because now I can’t imagine my life without you. You are amazing; creative, kind, gentle and strong. Being with you makes me a better man. And I... i know we have only vaguely talked about this, but I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” 

He fumbles with his inner pocket and takes out the blue velvet box, making Magnus gasp. 

“When Izzy asked me to model for you two years and a half ago, I didn’t think it would turn out like this. I didn’t think I would meet the love of my life. I know we’ve only been together two years, but… I love you, Magnus. I love you more than I thought I could love anyone. I want to be by your side, to be with you, forever. If you want to, that is.” 

There are tears shining in Magnus’ eyes and he takes Alec’s hand, squeezing it. He opens his mouth but no words come out, and he simply nods eagerly. Alec opens the box slowly, revealing a silver ring that matches the other ones Magnus has, but the small gem on it is a pure white. 

“Magnus Bane, will you marry me?” His voice quivers a bit, but he keeps his eyes in Magnus’. He isn’t afraid of Magnus’ answer, but this is maybe the biggest thing he has ever done and the gesture scares him. Maybe it’s too early, maybe he should have waited, maybe—

“Yes!” 

Magnus’ voice is full of tears and smiles and he is nodding fervently. Alec smiles happily and takes his boyfriend, no, his fiancé’s hand, and puts the ring in place. He kisses the hand he is holding after and looks up. He can feel the same tears that shine on Magnus’ cheek on his own, and he leans over. 

“I love you.” He murmurs again, before kissing his fiancé tenderly. 

They have the rest of their lives together, and their story is far from over.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on Tumblr, I'm @ holygayarchie (main blog) or @ saltytransmalec (writing sideblog). If you want to commission something, there are infos on those two pages about it :)


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